My Very Own Christmas Carol

I am baking Christmas goodies…again! Smells of cinnamon fill my little house as I sit here on my computer in the glow of my Christmas tree!! I have loved Christmas since I was a little girl. I remember having my own little Christmas tree in my room with small wrapped items (I already had) for my baby dolls.(we had our own Christmas in my little world in my room) Memories come with every turn it seems. It starts the minute I take out the very first decoration. Ahh…there it is…the ornament I got when Kati was born. At 18 years old, who would have ever thought I’d have had the sense to take care of it and it still be in tact after 25 years!!And there is Marykelli’s Popsicle stick Rudolph ornament she made in kindergarten… and Walt’s Veggie Tale ornament that he loved and his soccer ball ornaments collection. (got one every year for awhile there I believe) Then I see the box with all the kids drawings I have saved since they had motor skills.(and yes…I still hang every one of them up) Then..pictures with Santa, every little decoration that I can ASSURE you has a story behind it, and so on and so forth!!! It’s truly like it’s all fresh and brand new each year as if I have never seen it all before…and yes, I tear up just looking at them! Then there is the music!! Nothing at all, as you know well, makes me recall a memory like a song!!! I love them all. “Hark the Herald” is my favorite hymn …although I love each one!! Then there is “Mary Did You Know” --“Welcome to our World”. … “The Christmas Song” “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”…the list is endless!! Sitting here now however, my heart drifts back to my ‘Christmas Pasts’. I can remember my grandmother and granddaddy’s silver Christmas tree with blue Christmas balls on it as if it were yesterday. My mother was an only child so that made Kathy and I the only grandchildren. Kathy was 5 years older than me and that made me “the baby”…and I milked it for all it was worth! (Alright…I still love being the baby..I admit it!!) I can close my eyes and still see the candles on her buffet that my Mamaw put out each year. One of them was a big candle , and I believe there were elves on a couple of candles as well. The feeling in that little house was soooo cozy. You know, the kind you can feel all around you like a warm blanket. They had a special gift of always making everyone feel welcome and always showered family and friends with love and were known for their great hospitality.(AND FOOD!!)Every Christmas we’d sit around the table FULL of food and every year my granddaddy would ask “Wonder what the poor folks are eating?” Later, we’d be asked if we’d seen Merry. We’d say, “Merry who?” to his reply.. “Merry Christmas!” Oh, to sit in their house around that heater in that den again… or smell, better yet taste, her chocolate pie.(HER DRESSING or anything my Mamaw had made) Mostly, I just wish I could just talk to them, hug them, LISTEN to them…really, really listen to them. Then , of course , I have tons and tons of my immediate family memories growing up as well. That Kathy!! She NEVER EVER woke up with me on Christmas morning with me. Well, maybe when I was tiny, but my memory vaguely recalls it. Lol Bless her…I would wake up about 5am!! I would be bouncing off the walls!! Then, I would run to her room and tell her everything she had gotten. Still , nothing!!! She slept so late…still blows my mind how she slept so long on CHRISTMAS MORNING!! I always was totally enthralled with everything I had gotten! I remember well my 5th grade Christmas. I had gotten everything I’d asked for and was surprised with a tape recorder of my very own. (Everyone else’s nightmare ---that would later be discovered) I also got the record “Hey Deanie” by Shawn Cassidy. LOVED IT!!! Now, anyone that really, really knows me knows I get stuck on a song, and it will be played over and over and over until I am sick of it!! So..yes, even at 10 years old, I did this. So early on Christmas morning, I recorded that song onto a cassette that accompanied us the rest of the day. Often, our family would go to my Aunt Bessie’s in Columbus which we did that year. As I said, mama was an only child but boy did she have extended family! Aunt Bessie’s daughter, Bobbie, had always been just like her sister so we usually spent most every holiday with them. Bobbie was married to Van and it was heaven for me to go stay with them. However, I had a little too much imagination and way too much energy for Bobbie at times. That Christmas, I am pretty sure she hid my tape recorder for a little while. I know she looked at me in exhaustion and asked me… “Do you ever get tired?” At that age, the answer was “never!”That was also the first year I actually got to sit in a chair without sitting on top of catalogs to reach the table. Believe it or not, I remember what I even wore that day. Actually, I encountered a strange coincidence this morning. We are having a family Christmas dinner at our church tomorrow night and as tradition goes, I will sing “The Christmas Song” again this year.(It is a standard request every year) Anyway, I was looking for the accompaniment tape and found a cassette that looked strangely familiar but very old. Come to find out, it was something I recorded years ago on that very Christmas on little tape player. (It’s a miracle Bobbie didn’t pull the tape out) Kathy and I were messing around singing and acting like the silly little girls we were. (Although she was 15 when I was 10…we could always connect on some level) Then, of course, the playing of Christmas songs by my mama. I love to hear her play and that started long ago!!! Oddly, one of my very favorite songs to sing was “Christmas in Kalarney” which is an Irish Christmas song. I have never heard it anywhere but my mama’s house at Christmas and I like it that way. (It’s our special song) Many, many memories standing around the piano singing song after song with her. So many memories…then…Kathy and I grew up and had 3 prissy girls!!(Walt came years later) They took up with the entertainment and ran with it! Kati, our bossy firstborn, came up with Christmas productions. Hands down, all our favorite was the Christmas program in the barn. Kati was in the 2nd grade, Marykelli was in 1st grade (with no 2 front teeth), and Kirbi was in K5! Aunt Tot, however, was about 70. I remember vividly the day Kati handed me a list for the grocery store and Wal Mart. Hank was summonsed to cut down a Christmas tree but only the girls and Aunt Tot were allowed in the playhouse at the barn. The list included ingredients for the menu I was to prepare for the guests they were to invite. Wassail, snack food, pecan pie….then the Wal Mart list..red and green decorative beads , pipe cleaners, paint, and sweatshirts!! I was at least informed on some level about the secret service being planned since I had to do some labor.(And was the financial backer of this production) It touched my heart to watch them plan. Well, Kati plan and dictate but it was well received. lol With the beads and pipe cleaners, we all sat in the floor and made Christmas wreath ornaments. They were soon whisked away to the barn. The sweatshirts…well I did get to design them. Kati and Marykelli’s hands were painted green and red and then placed on white sweatshirts. (Each unique to the receiver) Theirs simply said Merry Christmas! Mine said, Merry Christmas Mommy! Others were for Aunt Tot(of course) Nana and Mawmaw. We were to all wear them at the performance..and we did!!!Christmas Eve before our candlelight service at our church, the guests began to arrive into the little barn. Every family member on both sides were invited and then some others as well. Each of us crammed tightly inside the little barn! As we waited for the program to begin it hit me…. These little angels were about to share a gift with us we’d never forget. Tears filled my eyes as I saw the little decorated tree for the first time. Popcorn string, paper ornaments, and there were the wreaths we made together in the den. Then, it began…. Silent Night, Away in a Manger, Jolly Old St Nicholas (with motions) were all preformed. Then in closing, Aunt Tot said a sweet prayer for the little girls and thanked God for Jesus. Then, Kati in true form, took over and invited all to the house for refreshments and asked for each guest to take an ornament from the tree as a special gift. I still hang that wreath on my tree each year and thanks to modern technology, watch that program over as well because it’s on video!!!I was correct, that gift is one of the greatest, by far , I have ever been given…a gift from the pure heart of children…a gift of love. Then years later, God sent Mr. Walt to our little family! Then, a new world opened up to us. Life through the eyes of a little boy!! Well, even though he didn’t have a sidekick like Kati and Marykelli had, he had/has his daddy, Hank…which was the best side kick he could ask for. Now this little man of mine has loved Christmas as well as anyone. He loves every second as much as anyone of us. He loves family and friends to be in and out and in and out. We really can’t remember our house not being grand central station at Christmas. People know I always have a pot of coffee, spiced tea and hot chocolate are always ready at a moments notice, and Christmas cookies and candy are a given. Everyone and anyone are welcome at anytime!! As time has passed, things and the faces have changed. Kati was married and blessed us with Rivers! WOW!!! Fun gal!!! I have never been one for change but guess what????Life happens and it changes daily!! Now, Kati and Rivers live next door and all my babies are on the hill again!!! So…sitting in the glow of my tree I ask myself…what will it be like next year? Marykelli is engaged and getting married within a few months. Kati, well, I just know this very well may be the last year for her and Miss Rivers to be on the hill also. As much as it breaks my heart, Hank and I always tried to show and teach our children how to live so they could fly someday. I just didn’t expect to feel this way. You know, I have had babies and noise around me since I was 18. Walt has never known any holiday, or life for that matter, without being surrounded by women bossing him.(How will he ever survive..they’ve done everything for him too) We have always been sooo close!!! So knowing this Christmas will be the last Christmas we’re all together like this is tender to my mother’s heart. One thing I do know, we are all extremely close, so I know that will not change. But I sure will miss them. God knew I needed friends. I prayed for best girlfriends all the time after I got married. I really longed for Christian women friends. …and that God….He allowed me to give birth to the best two I’ll ever have! WHAT A GIFT!!!! So, thinking back to Christmas pasts, being aware to drink deeply of each blessing this Christmas and enjoying each new memory we make, make me see the Christmas future with joy! GREAT JOY!! True, Christmas has changed over the years for me. Each year God has given me wisdom to understand what change means and shows me in each circumstance to embrace and treasure always! What will next year be like??I have no idea, but Jesus will still be the reason for the season and that should remain 365 days a year. Many loved ones have passed on, and yes, some will move, but memories warm my heart and still wrap around me like a blanket from all those years ago in my grandparents house. That’s love! Maybe I just noticed it more, as a child ,at holidays…but the love was always there. It’s the same love I have experienced in my adult home all these years and it’s the same love that will remain!!! And you know what…the exact same love that will continue to create many wonderful memories in the future. The love of Jesus! Just like the gift of love I experienced from my childhood…and the gift of love my little girls gave us that night in the barn…God gave us one much more special..The PERFECT GIFT of LOVE!! And yes, through the innocent love only a child can give! But the gift of Jesus was perfect love..spotless…blameless…pure love!! Now that gift He gave us in a barn that first Christmas was the one that truly keeps giving! The real miracle didn’t happen on 34th Street…it happened in Bethlehem over 2,000 years ago! John 3:17 says “For God did not send His Son into the world that He might judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” Now, that’s the gift. So true…with our traditions we celebrate in our own way… It may seem strange to some or even pointless to some…but oh-- the true joy that is in our hearts at Christmastime…is the joy only He brings! The message “For unto us is born this day in the city of David a Savior which is Christ the Lord” is still the heart of Christmas. Charles Dickens once said “A Christmas family party! We know of nothing in nature more delightful!” How true…traditions are rooted in such love..that sure echo the first Christmas to me…LOVE! Billy Graham even said once that the first essential for a happy home is love. For the poor souls that just don’t get it…Christmas is much much more than a time to spend money and eat! If I may quote one of my spiritual heroes, Corrie ten Boom “When I think of Christmas Eves, Christmas feasts, Christmas songs, and Christmas stories, I know it was not a short time and transient gladness, It was-and is-a joy unspeakable and full of glory!!” I whole heartily agree! So after the 25th of December has passed, the treasured memories will remain forever and ever…but most importantly…Jesus remains! Share His love this season and throughout the entire year. Christmas is not really a day of year now is it..it’s actually a condition of a heart!! Renew yours by celebrating and worshiping Jesus this season. No one can truly worship God and remain unchanged!!! Receive the gift of Jesus, renew your gift of Jesus, and most of all share your gift of Jesus! Merry Christmas my dear , dear and special friends! Go enjoy your “Christmas Present”…because God Himself holds “Christmas Future” in His hands! I close with Charles Dickens “ God bless us, everyone!”

Merry Christmas,
LO

Now Where Did That Jesus Go?

Decorating for Christmas is just what I do the day after Thanksgiving. (or should I say…begin the day after Thanksgiving.) There is not enough money in this world I could save or someone could pay, for that matter, to make me shop the sales on that day. I have bad enough road rage and sometimes have issues with rude fast food workers—so the last thing I need to do is be in a wild, mad crowd fighting over Christmas gifts!!!(fighting for Christmas gifts…sounds crazy but it’s true) That just makes my chest tighten up thinking about it. Nope…NO BIG CROWDS for this chick! However, I really am glad the rest of my family have enjoyed this tradition because I have to be alone to create my Christmas “art” from year to year. Lol I remember the early years of my married life when we just put up a tree and possibly a few decorations on a table. I always had a Christmas towel and few red and green items blended in my kitchen décor as well. Somewhere along the way…my imagination grew bigger and bigger and I lost my mind!! Now, everything gets taken down, boxed up, and gets a very good cleaning and then….CHRISTMAS COMES TO THE HARRINGTON HOME!!! My daughter Kati just laughs at me and says she’ll never do all this. Although she, and all my kids, love the decorated “Christmas cottage”…they know for days I am more nuts than usual. Everything, even pictures, are taken off the walls in den and kitchen and replaced with Christmas ones. I look and tweak and re-arrange until every room in the house is to my perfection. Then, I tweak it seems until Christmas Eve. I just love it!! Don’t get impressed, these are not some vogue decorations. I have been collecting and buying for years. Red and green baby…no color theme for me!!!(does help that I have a green den and red kitchen though) Traditional all the way!! My kids have created things over the years , and I saved each one of them and still put them out each year. A few items have a staple spot each year but for the most part,it is always a new surprise. I just love it! One of the things that has the same home each Christmas season is my crystal holy family my nephew gave me years ago when he was in my elementary children’s choir at our church. (He’s now a doctor of education and is married with a little girl but I have always treasured that gift) Each year it is placed on a small shelf near the front door. From it hangs a lovely crystal cross that one of my very best friends gave me years ago. Above the shelf is a frame with a poem I wrote entitled “The Star”. On the frame is a crystal star that I hot glued on to enhance the effect and make it all tie in together. The strangest thing started happening about 3 years ago however. Every day or so, I would lose baby Jesus. Now as we all know, that is the entire point …Jesus. So the fact that He was missing was very noticeable. A few things that really puzzled me is that it was glass-did it break, who’d pick it up and move it,(Rivers was a tiny , tiny baby then or she’d been the number one suspect) and if it just fell off then where in this little house did it go?? I looked for the entire day inside cushions, under the furniture , in the greenery ---it was hopeless. I had no clue where it could be. Then, I decided that someone must have just broken it and threw it away and had forgotten to tell me. So, later, I walked out the front door and guess what I found on the front porch? Yep! Baby Jesus! I was confused on how he ended up there but was soooo happy. I placed him back with Mary and Joseph and went on my way. A few days later, it happened again…then again…and again. I just don’t know he kept getting on the front porch but it became very entertaining to me. Well, the next year, I went to put the little crystal holy family out and Mary had been beheaded during the unpacking or at some point during the year. This was not good..not good at all. I think everyone would notice if Mary had no head so I began looking. Miraculously, I found her head and hot glued it on.( I do pretty good work if I do say so myself with my hot glue gun) It fell off a few times, but I kept the glue gun handy, and it worked. We only found Jesus had slipped off a few times that year. Same place…front porch. I know…that’s just strange. Well, this year there was my poem, the cross, and Jesus, but no sign of Mary and Joseph. ANYWHERE!! (Not even a head or anything) So, I thought I would place everything else and come back and decide what to do with that later. Two days later when everything was finished I sat back to admire my work. How cozy and Christmasy everything looked! Perfect. Then- I saw it. My wall with my star poem, the cross below and baby Jesus..all alone. Of course greenery but no Mary and no Joseph. My first thought was how sad it was because my Matthew had given it to me. My second thought—well, I’ll keep Jesus but replace Mary and Joseph. Now, finding a crystal holy family like that may be easier said than done. Sure enough, I looked at Fred’s , Dollar General, and another local dollar store in town –but no luck. I had decided I bet I could find one at the Dollar Tree in Tupelo. I had remembered seeing one a few weeks back and smiling because mine is so special to me. Now…I’d just have to wait until a trip to Tupelo was on my to do list and would be sure to check on it then. So days have passed. I was touching up and adding to a few things in the house last night and for some reason my gaze went back to baby Jesus. Then…it hit me!!! How appropriate He have a place of His on to be displayed. After all, the star shown on HIM as HE lay in the manger and the cross beneath my lovely display…praise HIM…for dying on that cross for all our sin. He came from heaven to earth to show us THE WAY….Him! So…there is no way I am replacing or looking for a new holy family. I think it is as it should be…Jesus…simply Jesus. My prayer is that will be the theme for myself and my entire family this year—just simply Jesus. In all the excitement of the holidays and festive events--- Christmas caroling, programs at church, family, Miss Rivers , family gatherings, friends, shopping, wrapping, and all the wonderful things I enjoy doing –I pray with all my heart I truly keep Christ in my heart the entire time. Not just during the holiday season but every day after. I wrote a Christmas song many years ago that spoke of this very thing. We open packages and make a mess every single Christmas morning , and I have heard many say the saddest day is the day after Christmas. May it never be!! In the song I remind each of us that Jesus is the only gift we can share, yet we get to keep. Actually, we grow in Him each time we share the good news about Him as well. Wow!! Now, if we focus on Jesus and give Him the place of honor He deserves our December 26 will also be full of joy!!!Jesus isn’t to be packed up with the decorations nor is our joy we sing about coming to the world. While we’re giving gifts, let’s each remember to share the gift, the true gift that keeps on giving…Jesus. As the last line in my Christmas song says, “He said ‘Go Tell it on the Mountain’—my Son is born today.” See, Christmas Day should just recharge our batteries so we can go tell on the mountains we’ve been given. We remember Him as a baby --being born at Christmas –lying in the manger -- Truth is, He grew up, died for our sin, and sits at the right hand of GOD!!! And someday…He’s coming back to get all His children!!! Now that’s what we need to celebrate in our hearts—Jesus. All of Him. Not just a part of Him! Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE EVERYTHING about Christmas…but I certainly don’t won’t to forget to love Jesus during this time of hustle and bustle. So…this starts a new tradition for me. Jesus has His special place all His own in my décor this year and from now own. And when I pack up this year…He’s going in the china cabinet! I really want to take care of Him, so I’ll be sure I pay special attention and keep an eye on Him all year. After all…isn’t that what we are supposed to do… Keep our eyes on Jesus!!! I know from experience when I take my eyes off Him for very long…I lose sight of Him. My prayer is He’ll overwhelm each of us this holiday season with His glory!!! Until later….

LO

The Lizzy Miracle

In reflecting over this past year…it sure has been what we call here in the south “ a doozy”! I certainly don’t wish to repeat one like it, but I must say that God, once again, has shown Himself faithful. We all are in a much better place this Thanksgiving than last year hands down. You know, in James 1:2 it says, “Consider it all joy ,my brethren, when you encounter various trials.” Now for years in my early walk with the Lord, that one made me scratch my head! Surely the joy in the Bible didn’t mean J-O-Y . You know…joy , joy! Well, I am afraid it most certainly does. It took a little while to realize joy and happiness were totally opposite. Happiness, of course , depends on circumstances while joy is from deep within. True joy must come from God. And nothing at all can steal that joy!!! The enemy certainly will try. I tell you…this year was tough. I have had my heart broken by watching my family endure one of the hardest things ever. Nothing breaks a mother’s heart like watching one of her babies hurt and not being able to do one thing about it. On top of that, my family had to face the fallout from that painful situation. Words getting twisted, and those twisted words believed by others- Loss of close friendships that were rooted deep inside our hearts- not being able to mend broken relationships and having to heal without reconciliation. These things literally shattered me! Nothing has ever broken my heart just like it. And knowing that I hurt others, even though not on purpose, but just the same, I hurt others as well. My heart aches just remembering…however, God is Jehovah Rapha….God who heals! And healing is exactly what He’s been doing! Every single member of our little family is in a better place than we were last year. Our lives are in God’s hands and He is in control and there is so much to be thankful for! I would start naming a few but could never stop so just know I am overwhelmingly thankful for every blessing that God has given me. I have love, so much love, in my heart for those also I never got to bridge that awful gap with also. In my heart, I pray God has truly let them know that in their hearts also.(I KNOW He has been working and blessing them as well- which is one of the things I too am thankful for) Back to this “consider it all joy” business. Well, I told my Hank just this morning I could honestly say I really am thankful this is all over and thankful that ,even though Satan taunted and taunted me and my heart was hardened for a while, my joy remained. See, this was not my first rodeo with Satan trying to steal my joy. No…that scoundrel has been after me since 1986(that’s when I gave my life to Jesus) and bet He’ll try me till I see Jesus face to face!! (But…WE WIN) I know he came to “steal, kill, and destroy” but my God says.. “I’ll never leave you or forsake you” . I know this isn’t so but I like to think God put the verse, “Lo, I am with you always..” in the Bible just for me. It’s true…He’s always , always with us. I will never forget the first time I really began to understand all this. It was actually 16 years ago today. November 20,1994. It was a Sunday morning and I was 3 months pregnant. I woke up in labor and was rushed to the Tupelo hospital where we lost our little baby. I WAS A MESS!!! That day , God took the “D” in disappointment and changed the D to and “H” and made ‘Dis appointment’ –‘His appointment’ because that day changed the course of the rest of my life. I will not , at this time, go into all the ways this took place but it started with taking God at His word!!!(as Beth Moore says, “I’m believing God”) Then choosing to walk in it out in obedience—and He did the rest. It took time…but oh…DID IT WORK!! That is also exactly why we have been married for 25 years and it was cause to celebrate and take that cruise! Did God want or cause me to lose our baby…why of course not!!! However, he sure used it to His glory. It’s all about choosing God in every situation. Have I always chosen God’s way?? Let’s say one way or the other, He knows how to get my attention. He’s allowed me to take the long way many times only to show up exhausted and repentant. Think that’s just what He had in mind. Humbled and bowed at His feet. (best place you’ll ever be) Let me go back to November 1994 for a bit. God sent a friend into my life a few years earlier named Chrissy . I know now that God sends forever friends and seasonal friends into our lives.I really thought she was a forever friend but now there’s no doubt … she was a very special seasonal friend. Now, we’d been friends for a couple of years and had dealt with a lot of life together. We were thrilled to be pregnant at the same time. She was further along and her baby(“boy”) was due in December. As hard as it must have been for her mama to call me on the evening of November 21, 1994 to tell me Chrissy had gone into pre- mature labor, it was as if God had it planned all along. I was in a fog and my heart was depleted. I had cried until I had no more tears and had been in bed all day. It was about 8 PM when she called to tell me that Chrissy had gone into labor that morning a month early and it was not a boy…IT WAS A GIRL!!! She and her husband named her Lori Elizabeth. They call her Lizzy. Tears… many tears….flowed straight from my heart. I could just feel God there in the kitchen chair with me as He hugged my soul with those words of her birth. I have a love for that little girl.(Not so little anymore…she’ll be 16 tomorrow) Although I haven’t seen her in years, she(AND her dear mama) will forever remain in my heart. God used that little baby and her family to help begin to heal a very broken heart! I am so glad I didn’t allow Satan to steal my joy at that time of suffering. I may have missed the blessing of Lizzie!! I could have been upset that she was allowed to be born and my baby wasn’t but I didn’t choose that option… and PRAISE GOD, I didn’t miss it! I was counting it all joy even though I did not ‘feel’ like it. Those emotions sure are unpredictable!! Mine sure change like the wind.(POOR HANK) But My God is “Faithful and True”!!! AMEN AND AMEN Have you noticed God loving on you? I’ll bet if you stop right now, you can think back of times He’s loved you through a situation. If not, maybe you weren’t looking. Don’t miss your “ Lizzy miracle”!! If God did that for me…He’ll show you His love as well. Don’t miss it!!! Keep your heart eyes open because He loves to lavish His love on His babies! Open your arms wide so He can just snuggle you right next to Him so close you can feel His heart beat. Listen…hear it? Let’s truly give Him our thanks and praise this Thanksgiving…and maybe we can make everyday be a day of giving thanks in our hearts! Happy Thanksgiving friends! God bless each of you! And I am praying a special blessing for you Miss Lizzy! Hope you have a wonderful 16th birthday!!

LO

Ahoy 'Mon!

Ahoy from the high seas! Well, Hank and I are exhausted after another long, but lovely ,day at sea! Snorkeling was a blast!!! Thought at any moment I may see Sponge Bob jump out from the coral reef. Lol Rainbow Fish, Blue Fish, and many other tropical fish were swimming right there close enough for us to reach out and touch them. Amazing! The water here in the Bahamas is truly a turquoise blue and very clear. Paradise! Well, I thought I would die on board the first night. We got settled in our state room , went to Third Day Concert by the pool, made dinner plans, and then it happened….the boat actually started MOVING! Rocking was more like it. The captain (I like to refer to him as Captain Stubbing personally) had warned us the waters would be a little choppy until midnight…but oh my word!!! I have never once suffered from motion sickness of any kind but …OH ME!! First time for everything. Somehow, I managed to freshen up my makeup and actually walk down two flights of stairs to the deck that our dinner was being served on. The line was rather long as we all waited for the doors to the Moonlight Dinning Room to open for the 8:OO pm reservations. Just know , the last thing in this world I felt like doing was eating…gross…but a lady in line beside me had convinced me that eating bread would help my feelings out greatly. So….Hank sent me to sit down on this centerpiece made of marble while he stood in line for the both of us. How ironic—Hank is always the one that gets any kind of motion sickness! ALWAYS! Thank goodness he had a nausea patch on so he wouldn’t get sick. He had offered me one before we boarded the ship but assured him I would be fine. “Pride goes before the fall” Lol Well, I was sooo wrong! I sat on that cool slab of marble and was feeling some better. Then I heard singing. (Duhhh…It’s a music boat cruise) But….this was not expected but was however the cherry on top of the entire day. An Asian band was singing in the lobby while we waited on our dinner doors to open.{ I felt like I was in A Christmas Story for a minute.} You know when the Christmas dinner gets ruined and they eat Chinese and they sing “Deck the Halls”…well, yep. Not only am I on my death bed turning green on a cold hunk of marble--but I am listening to an Asian lady sing “ Proud Mary”! I thought surely I was going to pass and Hank would just have to throw me overboard. Well, finally , the time came to enter the dinning room and true, the bread saved my life!!! We ate with a lovely couple from North Carolina and enjoyed our dinning experience immensely. However, leaving the dinner we noticed the girl had stopped singing and now an Asian man was singing. “Don’t tell my heart, my rakey , rakey heart….” Please…that was just too funny!!! Off to a late Denver and the Mile High Orchestra concert then off to bed! (LOVED THEM) After a wonderful nights sleep, we woke up ready for a fun day in Nassau, which we did have!!!Snorkeling was an absolute blast! After dinner, we listened to baseball player Josh Hamilton share his journey with the Lord and how God uses him in his profession in ways he never imagined he’d ever be used. I am not a real sports fan but I love hearing anyone, especially people with some fame, discuss how Jesus changed them and now works in their life because they’ve surrendered all to Him! We were about to turn in and as we walked by another lounge we noticed it filling up rather quickly. That is when I saw her---Mandisa. I was really glad to finally she she’d made it to the ship. (she flew in and met us in Nassau) I went over and introduced myself and told her how real she seemed— and how the love of Jesus just shows all over her. I also told her how Houston, Ms had voted many , many times for her while she was on Idol.(However- my husband wasn’t much help because that’s the same year he developed his man crush was on Blake Lewis -lol) We talked a bit about when she did praise team music for Beth Moore’s Living Proof Ministries .She said during the Idol competition she did the sign that we all memorized ….sign language meaning I’m believing God!! That prompted the two of us into a high five!!! I then told her I sure would like to hang out with her! Well, we have a few more days.{commercial…’Like sands through the hourglass..so are the Days of our Lives—ok new day} Today was beautiful , so Hank and I took a ferry to the CocoCay Island, “ Mon” NOTE TO FAMILY….HANK’S GOT A NEW WORD!!!! For now—it’s “Mon” . Prepare yourselves!! Lol Oh me….I just love him though. We are really having fun. An island band played the entire day as we shopped, ate, shopped, drank, shopped , laid out, and shopped. The group 4 Him had their chairs just beside us! They were funny! Tonight we went to hear Dave Nasser and Mandisa perform then off to dinner. My girl sang “Shackles”…OH ME!!!!!!!After that we heard a George W. Bush impersonator! HILARIOUS!!! He was a hoot! Then it was off to the pool deck to Premier Cruise Idol. I was standing just behind the judges. Mandisa, Third Day lead singer, and Dave Nasser. Of course the battery in my camera died! Never fails! Oh well, we had a really good time! It’s late now and people are still scattered around the ship. Hank was sleepy but I wasn’t ready just yet to turn in. It is way after mid night and I am on the promenade deck in a lawn chair listening to the waves rush beside this massive ship.(Oh ‘the promenade deck’ sounds so much like the Love Boat doesn’t it?) I am in total awe of the beauty I have seen this week. This afternoon, Hank and I watched the sun set from sitting on the back of the ship! At some point, just before the sun gave up it’s glow, for a brief moment…the reflection that the sun cast was a glowing, perfect cross. OH MY IT WAS LOVELY!! This is a new beauty for me. Now I am not a “beach girl” for sure…but I do love the ocean! Love the beach but don’t like to sunbathe or deal with sand grit. I don’t like to play in the beach or ocean but I love it!! The only thing I can say when I see it’s beauty is…WOW GOD!!! How could you think any other way. The name of our ship is Majesty of the Sea. Well, they can call it that if they’d like but that is all I can think of when I look out across the water! HE is THE MAJESTY of the sea! Where is seems to have no end I softly hear in my heart… “as far as east is from the west I’ll remember your sin no more.” Looking out, it’s pitch dark but the stars are like little diamonds. God is such an amazing and majestic God! I was also reminded of that when the dolphins swam along the side our sailboat the other day and as we snorkeled, God really made it all!! He cares about every single detail of this universe and everything does glorify Him. This afternoon ,Bello Nock, a former clown from Ringling Brothers circus, broke a world’s record by walking the tight rope across the length of the 11th deck! (WOW) While he walked ,he had praise music in the background. When “I Stand in Awe of You” began to play...I thought ‘now that says it all’! In a nutshell…I am standing in total awe of God!!! He’s everywhere I look!! Sure, musicians and speakers are great…but God’s creation is what has spoken to me the most here. The waves make me feel as if I am being rocked to sleep by my daddy…you know, I am. The wind is a love song to my soul reminding me I am His and I am loved! Well, just now I am realizing how sleepy I am , so I’d better go back to my cabin and get some sleep! ( sure hope I remember how to get there—Just kidding—well sort of anyway) I know tomorrow God has even more blessings in store for us, and I certainly don’t want to miss a thing!! That’s all I know for now….but I am learning more every single day!!! Hope you all have a blessed day—‘Mon’!

LO

Just Flying Around With God

Hank and I are sitting in the Memphis airport because our plane has been delayed for 2 hours. We should have known when we stopped at Starbucks and the total was $6.66. MERCY! There should be a rule to automatically up the amount up one cent in a case like that. Ya think? We boarded our plane and waited only to be informed there was a problem getting fuel into one engine because the handle broke.(That’s just what I wanted to hear) But wait—there’s more! After we got off the plane, within minutes , we were told to board back onto the plane—ONLY TO WAIT!!! Again, we were informed of the same problem they never had fixed and were told to get off for the second time! Well, our obstacle course in getting here began long before we actually ended up here. Weeks ago, Hank had been for his annual check-up at our family doctor’s office for insurance purposes.(pretty routine) Well, the outcome wasn’t pretty routine. He was told he had high cholesterol and high blood pressure and was immediately written a medication for both. That weekend he and I were out of town on a weekend retreat and by Saturday night, he was having a definite reaction to the meds. Well, after that scare, he was told when he reported back to the doc to stop usage at once and they would try to find meds more suitable for his system. Well, as if that weren’t enough, he then developed gout in his elbow! Bless him!! So…he battled that and then I got a really bad sinus infection.(listen closely and you may hear the actual violins in the background) Yesterday ,Hank took me to get a shot and a z pack before we left for South Haven to spend the night with his brother. Thought we would save time by staying overnight…HA HA!(Ahem…delayed flight) Well, so glad we stayed with Ryan though.(like I knew I was even there because I was stoned on prescription cough syrup!!) Hank also took me to get a spray tan after we left the doctor’s office so…I had on his pj bottoms, a zip-up sweat jacket, house shoes, and no make up on. Everyone knows you just can’t put on regular clothes after a spray tan , so I had to wear loose clothing. I know I was not really feeling up to getting that spray tan, but there was NO WAY I was going to the Bahamas looking like an Irishman.( or Irishwoman should I say) As my friend Tammy told me once, “Dark fat looks better than white fat”! So…fever or no fever…. I got sprayed!!! Now, we are waiting. Hey, but on our on board/off board experience, we met the couple across the aisle from us. They are from Arkansas and are too going to Bahamas on the same cruise ship as us.{ PRETEND IT’S A COMMERCIAL HERE..A DAYS OF OUR LIVES PROMO WOULD WORK FOR ME} Well, I now return to you from 35,000 feet in the air!!! Yes folks, we FINALLY are in the air! Hank just said, “This is a new high for ‘LO’”! I think that’s clever. Well, anyway, we are in the sky and I have my laptop, ipod, and diet coke. Life is good! I’ll say it was interesting being stranded in the airport. People always just fascinate me. On the way out the first time, I realized I was sharing this flight with Dr. Watt Bishop…he was my orthodontist when I was in high school.( Of course I had to go speak to him.) Then, as we just sat there…I listened to the different conversations around me.(Me? Nosey? Why yes… maybe just a little) Some were talking of lunch plans, some were fussing about the delay, and some….I didn’t understand one single word they said! Felt like I was at the nail salon getting fake nails. Lol Hint: they don’t speak English very well to say the least! It just amazes me to see the variety of people God has created. The song I am listening to is a Billy Squire song called “Nobody Knows” . I love this song. Of course it was just one on a random album not ever made popular.( we are experiencing terrible turbulence…hope you all get chance to read this blog -lol)Man, this shaking of the plane just made me drop the complimentary peanuts down my shirt! Well.. anyway…. the song I was listening to talks about nobody really knows what’s going on inside in someone else. No one knows the dreams, fears, or insecurities we each experience. It goes on to say everybody has a place and time. “ We all have something that we care about and I propose that we find it out”. Now that is what Billy Squire says…a musician from the 80’s. But God’s word says in Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, to bring you a hope and a future.” Man that God is good!!! I feel much better hearing that quote from Him rather from some song that Billy Squire sang. (no offence Billy -but…..) I’ll admit , flying around the friendly skies…that scripture takes on a whole new meaning!! I do love how I can leave all I am in God’s hands and He is such a God of order and perfect love that I can trust him with my past, present, and future.(and flight) It’s all time to Him!!(oooo…He’s shaking the plane around just to make sure He has my attention) The answerer is “Yes Sir, Lord…I’m all ears, eyes, and everything else You’d have me be”! I brought my computer bag as my carry-on and stuck few items of clothing in just in case they lost my luggage.(and I’d have fresh clothes to shop for new clothes with the voucher I’d get from airline.) And I am so glad I did stick extra underwear in there because I am going to pee in my pants the next big shake of the plane.(sorry I said pee on my blog Mama) OH ME!!! Anyone that knows me well knows this is so true about me though! Lol Well, I know I have watched too many movies. Airplane, Snakes on a Plane, all Airplane movies from 70’s –you know those---when they barely land the plane…. You get the picture. Come to think of it, a swig of my cough syrup may have been a good idea for this flight! Lol Really, the view is breathtakingly beautiful and it reminds me of how tiny we all are. Even the earth is too actually. In this flight, we have a oil rig worker, sales rep, orthodontist, and a nail tech that I know for sure. Many different people with a variety of backgrounds, world and religious views…just all different in general. But…God created each of us. Like it or not….we really are all equal. Not one is more or less significant in God’s eyes. Yes.. “ He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands”. Well, I can bet it He can hold us all in His hands, imaging what else He can do. Talk about a shoulder to lean on….WOW!!! I am thankful He loves me and is holding me close. Even those times I hurt so bad I wanted to blame Him because everyone else seemed to be blaming me. He has loved me when I bucked Him, ran from Him, and kicked and screamed while digging my heels into the ground only to find out God was smiling saying, “oh yes you will, Lori”. Through all my brokenness and hard headedness, I am so thankful he chose to love me “Through It All”—HE LOVED ME AND STILL DOES!! Now there’s a song…Mr. Andre Crouch… “ If I never had a problem, how would I know He could solve them?” Amen!! “What a Mighty God We Serve” Well, whatever you find yourself doing this week, notice what and who you are around you. This very well may be part of God’s plan. Yep, even a “random” trip to Wal Mart may be a mission He has sent you on that only YOU can do. Listen to him. Let Him be your pilot. I know I am SOOOOO thankful, along with the other passengers, that I am not flying this plane! Well, living on our own is almost as silly as me flying this plane. Let’s all remember to let THE PILOT fly our plane. He knows the correct pressure our gages we need for our flight to be a success, the right amount of fuel we need to get there(and how to fix any leaks we may not even know about to arrive safely to our destination) , and can not only get us to our precise designation, but see that we land safely! Now, we can not ask for more than that. So, thank Him now and then move out of His way and let’s let Him be God and Lord of our lives! Well, it’s time for me to pack up my laptop and I had best go take a potty break before we hit another air pocket or ‘Lo’s going to blow!’ Remember, Hank is sitting beside me and his humor is infectious! Besides, this is all I know for now!!

LO

The colors are absolutely gorgeous this time of year. Fall is by far my favorite time of the year. The trees are a lovely red, yellow, and orange…beautiful!! I love this time of year because it is the welcome mat for the holiday season! LOVE everything about it!! I don’t appreciate how commercial everything is though and that we are tempted to skip over our lives and not stop at each season. I can’t believe Christmas is already being pushed on us and it is not Halloween yet!!! Thanksgiving is my very favorite and it is often lost in the holiday shuffle. Now I know many people have opinions about Halloween these days. I loved back in the day when we didn’t know all we know now. Life was so much simpler!! If you haven’t noticed, I am one of these people that remember everything. (well, a lot of stuff anyway..ha ha…and some of my buddies from high school cringe in fear that I will share a little too much on this blog) Well, don’t worry…not this day I am not anyway! The first Halloween I remember was when I was about 3 years old. I was Casper.I well remember because we lived in Houlka, and I remember thinking no one recognized me with my mask on and felt so led to let everyone know it was me.(like mama wasn’t a dead give away) If I didn’t remember it, we have it on home movies. My daddy shot footage of my sister , first cousins, and me playing in driveway at dusk just before we went out to beg or neighbors for candy. They were all dressed up as hobos and were dancing around on camera. Of course, being “THE” baby, I didn’t want to share the spotlight so I start really showing out!(Can you believe it…ME …showing out??) Anyway, I am doing a little Casper dance and daddy starts filming me then the camera comes in closer and closer and closer right as I dig my undees out of my pants. I mean really DIG!! Now we have preserved it forever because it’s on film. Lucky me…well it is funny to watch! I really don’t have any other trick or treat memories that stand out but loved to dress my babies up! Oh they were so cute! We’ve been everything from Raggedy Anne, cheerleaders, Elmo, and even a red crayon. My nephews were ALWAYS a clown or a cowboy! Adorable! My niece was a pirate more than once. She’s such a prissy thing now so it is funny to think of that now!! Lol My favorite thing to this day is ending up at my Mama’s and Daddy’s house for a caramel apple!! Every year as long as my memory can stretch, my mother has made caramel apples on Halloween(Except about 2years ago and she thought we were all on diets and didn’t want them…so sad) I love to hand out candy at her house too. Living out of city limits, we never get trick or treating children. Now I know many have a problem with the entire thing these days but…I happen to love it all! However, I have many memories of the trick part of the season as well. Many yards have I rolled in my lifetime. Pranks, yes…destroying property…NO!!! Lan Gooch lived 2 doors down from us and mama taught him 7th grade math.(she taught everyone) The day before Halloween she moved him behind a girl he thought he was too good to sit behind and thought that warrented EGGING our house. She was so upset , as well she should have been. (the roof still leaks there)I learned first hand what an egg can do to a house. I promised I would never ever egg or harm another’s property in that way. In my high school years our teacher, Danny Lantrip’s house got egged. I was there but had NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT EGGING. Did shaving cream his sons little motor cycle. That teacher told entire class I was the one that did that!!!!!!!!!!! I still get mad being falsely accused of that but surely by now, if I did it, you all that read my blog would know that I would fess up to it!(He was the teacher that busted me out about fake report cards so I guess he thought I was only one with motive) Well, he was wrong!! Anyway…I would have to say my very favorite Halloween memories of all time though would be “The Subdivision” memories. We thought we had arrived when we were in 7th grade and got to go there for the first time. This is where the master minds got cranked up with pranks. I am certain we rolled yards but what I remember that first year I went was the mess we must have made in Bonnie Putnam’s yard. Mark Lee’s mama just let us have at it in her yard!! That is the only time my mama EVERgave me permission to throw an egg.(at other people) If you weren’t there, this sounds exteremeley ridiculous…but if you are lucky enough to share this memory with me…you remember how much fun we had!! We had shaving cream,eggs, and who knows what else that night. I just remember everyone just letting everyone else have it!!! Laughing the entire time. I well remember while having goo all over me, two guys came from behind and poured a trash bag of leaves all over me and of course they stuck to me!!! LOL ( I was soooo nasty.) I remember Hal Craig’s mama making my friend ,Kristie, and I go into her house to clean up before my poor mama could take me home in the car. What a fun memory! Just know the art of tricking was passed down well to my children. I remember my family getting an entire case of toilet paper a few years back to get one yard.( Hal Craig’s sister Carol and her family’s yard) Her daughter was a former youth of mine and had gotten our yard when we were out of town prey good. I give it a B-… Payback is something we take seriously around here!!! It was our finest work of art I must say. People still brag on that job!!! However, my oldest daughter’s favorite prank by far was saran wrapping vehicles!! Oh me….her goal in college was to wrap the campus police’s car. Thankfully , she never got an opportunity to try it. However, she managed to wrap a teacher’s house once with the teacher inside. She is soooo mischivious. (really don’t know where she gets that from) lol Well, her daughter, my precious granddaughter, is going to be Dorthy this Halloween. SHE IS ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!! I am thinking she has a sneaky bone or two also…so we all need to rest while we can!!(matter of fact…I am 100% sure of that) Well, it has been a few years since I have rolled a yard and decades since I have had an egg/shaving cream fight in someone’s yard..but the fun fun memories live on! I am aware that this time has evil roots but for me….it is just too fun!!! I sometimes yearn for the simple lifestyles we all once knew and enjoyed. We make a big deal out of everything now but wouldn’t it be nice if , on some level, we weren’t as informed as we are. I remember how upset I was to hear all the information on Halloween. Members of my family stopped trick or treating and many seemed confused on what to do. I, being a Christian, had mixed emotions. I felt like I was wrong if I participated in it but inside still wanted to. I almost felt looked down upon by my Christian friends and family if I did take my kids out on Halloween. I later asked myself..why would I not? Because of MY conviction or fear of what SOMEONE else thought I should do? Well, soon I came to the conclusion it was not convicting to me….so I took my kids trick or treating. True, I no longer decorate for it simply because I would rather decorate for fall, but I truly love to hand out candy, see kids dressed up, and yes…hear about the mischief kids can still come up with. And…who knows…I may go roll a yard or two this year….Watch out Danny Lantrip….I know where you live!

I Went Mask Free

Well, we had our class reunion a few weekends ago. I’ll admit-- I really didn’t really know what to expect. You go to school with people for about twelve years and you know all about them when you graduate…. Or do you? Well, on some level you do…but how shallow of us to presume we really know all about others like we think we do. We wore masks even then didn’t we? You know, it was so typical at our ten year reunion to form individual groups as we caught up with one another.( It looked like break at school the way we were all in different little circles talking.) The biggest difference at this reunion is that everyone visited everyone and boy how awesome that was! I really went to school with some really interesting people and although I really tried to know everyone during my school days, I was soooo busy with my schemes and love life I seldom thought of anyone else.(Very self absorbed) Well, I did have many things to keep up with, as I have shared in many blogs prior. The report card scandal was just one small example. I exhaust myself just thinking of all the secrets I had going on and during that time in my life. Boy, what a loaded cannon I was and YES….every single choice I made shaped and determined my life!! I have committed my life to sharing, not only with my own children, but youth in general.(and women..actually-anyone who will listen) Yes, my life is blessed NOW…but getting here was not the best path. Interestingly, everyone seemed to sense the same thing. We all seemed wiser, more mature, and truly wanted to really visit with one another. For me, it was almost as if it were a big reveal! I may have been the only one, besides Hank, that realized it, but for the first time…many of these classmates and teachers were seeing ‘Lori’ for the first time. As I briefly mentioned in my report card blog, I wore many masks! They became so familiar, I brought them right into adulthood with me. There really is no starting line that says “This is where your adult life begins and your youth ends!” Unfortunately, some of us don’t ever recognize the fact we may need to adjust our lives a bit. Well, as I was gathering memorabilia I was looking through my annuals. OH ME!!!! I can’t believe the things people actually wrote in my annual. Anna Marie---woman, you won’t do!! You just put our entire summer activities in a brief summary every single year. (It did make me laugh though..I just love you) Memories...they sure are a funny thing. Like spray painting the school parking lot… ‘maybe’ a bridge- getting busted swimming LATE at night at the Country Club—Julie would write a small essay, also. She’d recap our life for the entire year. I really enjoy reading each one of them still. Actually, several friends took up a page or half anyway. (over advertisements and everything) I get mad every single time I look at my senior annual though. I didn’t go back after school to get my most talented picture made. That is the only thing I ever even cared about getting…and I missed the picture!! Well….maybe people remembered my love for music anyway! The saddest thing , however, was as I looked closer at my senior annual, I realized I was pregnant in every single picture! Yes, I have shared that I got pregnant in the middle of my senior year and was married in March, but what many had no clue about is that I was pregnant two times during my senior year. Hank went to Mississippi State University after graduating. He was a freshman while I was still in high school. We found out I was pregnant in October just before our homecoming. I had never been homecoming maid and was very honored and excited. The doctor’s wife that I secretly allowed to test me to see if I was pregnant also took it upon herself to make an appointment for me to have an abortion. So, being naive, scared, and confused we decided that was the right thing to do.(that doctor no longer practices medicine in Houston anymore so don’t think you even know who it was) If no one ever knew, it’d be like it never happened and it would just go away.(and it was a closely guarded secret believe me) So...in early November of my senior year, that is just what I did. I will not go into the details but let’s just say…once again, my young self was wrong. I really thought I was going to die. And although I did not realize it that day, but a part of me really did die. A piece of my mother’s heart would be gone forever…a baby I would never know….and I could tell NO ONE!! So, another mask…that was the biggest I’d ever worn up until that time. The strangest twist in all this is that 3 weeks later I was back with Hank-- and 3 months later--- we were having another baby. No discussion. We were married. Oh me…..no one can even begin to imagine how hard those years really were. He never wanted to talk about it and I always wanted to. It wasn’t until ten long years later, IN NOVEMBER when I had a miscarriage, that the truth would be forced out into the open for us to really deal with. (It was 10 years almost to the day between the 2 babies) There were too many similarities between the DNC that had to be performed and the abortion(Except I was asleep for the DNC) More so than that, I wanted one baby and had not wanted the other. Well, what Satan means for evil…GOD CAN USE FOR GOOD and DID HE EVER! After much counseling , soul searching, and God’s surgery that He performed with His WORD….a great healing began.(Please note that there is no sharper, accurate, or more precise tool The Lord could have used on my heart… HIS WORD…that’s all that He needed) Our lives, marriage, and little family was finally being restored. Hank and I had several issues to work and talk through…but God was finally allowed to be in control and center of our family. Please know we by far have it all together or figured out but from that moment on--- our life has no longer been in our hands but in the Lord’s. So…as I thought back over all the things that had shaped so much of my life that had begun way back in high school… I could only wonder if anyone else could relate to the feelings I was having. Maybe not the same circumstances …but did any of us actually have a clue what was really going on when we were so young? Did adulthood sneak up on each of us and blend so with ourselves that we really never realized it was time to give up, at least some of, our juvenile ways? Even though I learned some hard life lessons --and lived through years of playing hiding- seek from God, family/friends, and myself—I will never think back with regret for my past. I know that I know I AM FORGIVEN!! I will always have a scar, that’s true. Every wound or incision leaves a scar…however, the nerve endings are no longer sensitive to the same pain as before. There will always be a reminder inside my heart from the scar left from aborting my baby .. but PRAISE God, it now has been redeemed and is a part I have allowed God to use in many ways and in others lives. Sharing with others that too have dealt with the same losses and circumstances we have has been some of the healing process for Hank and I as a couple and as individuals. It’s just now part of who we are. Actually, it changed our entire family. We have FIVE children. Of course three on this earth, and two in heaven. I feel as if our children in heaven are joined at the hip almost. The one we lost to miscarriage, in some way, introduced us to our baby we aborted. Those two children have had as much of an impact on our family life as the three with us on earth.“ God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”---Romans 8:28 There are many other pieces of my “life’s garbage” He’s recycled but this one is the most precious to my heart. If God did that for me…imagine what He CAN, and WILL do, for anyone!!! He’s just SO GOD!!!! I really don’t think I was the only one that wore masks in high school (matter of fact—I KNOW I wasn’t) and yes, maybe they too wore them into adulthood as well. Some, bless them, may still be wearing them, but I hope they know that life sure is better without those stuffy old things!! I can only speak for myself, but I am way too scattered to keep up with which mask I would need to have on and when.(pretty sure I suffer from adult A. D. D.) I am glad that now when anyone sees me, they are really seeing- me. Just me….no more…no less. I do not think that everyone in the world should share their stuff…but I KNOW God has called ME to share some of mine. If anyone can benefit from anything my life can offer, how can I not share? I also believe that if you keep wearing a mask… it WILL get harder to breathe and harder to keep up with all of them. I realize now when I make a friend, it’s really ME making a friend. No wonder I enjoyed visiting people at the reunion… “I” was at the reunion. Not some copy of someone else or someone afraid to be real..but me…mask free!! Hey—and the next time you think you know someone well---inside and out---just know that they too may wear a mask. Don’t ‘assume’ anything. Always be real, authentic, your true self….because in doing so…you may inspire someone else to be also. You never know now do you? And remember this as well-- when someone has spent a lifetime wearing a mask and has finally been set free from it… they can spot someone else’s a mile away….

That’s all for now,
LO

A Tale of Two Grades

Well, today started off like any another day at the races around our house. What my son thinks is so uncool about being on time for school is beyond me. Hey Walt, tardies count now!! Thank goodness they didn’t count in upper elementary! His last year at that school they mentioned giving him a special award on awards day for the most tardies…he had 45 that year. Now, he gets ready and we wait until just the right moment , then race to school so he walks in as school bell rings .( I just don’t get it) I was not like that!(jk) I know, I know…I am STILL a lot like that!! It’s funny how much our children are mirror images of ourselves at different stages in our lives. My oldest daughter ,Kati, and I have a running joke that she’s morphing into me on a daily basis. They certainly don’t see it and at times, we don’t either. I remember when my Kati was in the 8th grade and was taking Algebra 1.(anyone that knows me knows that I aced that class-- the 3rd TIME I TOOK IT-… Oh yeah, algebra and I go way back!!!) That same year ,a friend I had gone to high school with asked me to speak at a Sav-a-Life banquet at her church in Alabama. So, another good friend of ours and I loaded up and to Alabama we went! After the banquet we were all up talking and my Kati called. She informed me that she had gotten her progress report that day.She was always an A/B student so when she told me about her c in algebra….I begin this long lecture. My friends were about to hyperventilate over on the other side of the room while they told me to hold on…they had a fun time rehashing my algebra grades and history with grades in general! Needless to say, point taken and she was off the hook as I chose to show her grace----which just opens the door to expound on the “Tale of Two Grades”!! Oh me…where DO I begin? Aaahh yes, October, 1982…..First off, my friend that I stayed with that weekend and spoke at her church, was one of my very best friends in high school ,and shall I say “partner in MANY crimes” in my early high school days! [and happened to be an office worker during her study hall that year… back in the ANCIENT days when a report card WAS A ‘CARD’ and the teacher had to write them by hand and each class had an individual one] Well, it was Mississippi State’s homecoming and EVERYBODY was going to Starkville for the weekend !!! However, Thursday was report card day and I had a D in algebra. Those that don’t know me please understand my family…. My Daddy was high school principal for years ! However, The Lord HAD MERCY on my life (and his) and he went into politics way before my days at HHS!(whew!) My little Mama taught 7th grade math for 30 years ! Those that don’t know Ms. P Thomas must understand…she’s such a lady! From top to bottom---she’s a true lady! Those that don’t know me, while I’m no slob, but certainly don’t share her qualities.Ok—example …imagine if Mary Poppins had given birth to Bette Mitler---- there you have it !!(But please don’t think my mama favors Julie Andrews…she actually has always favored Natalie Wood and Mary Tyler Moore to me—either way—she beautiful) Bless her little worn out heart!! With that out of the way let me return to our “brilliant” plan. My friend was also struggling in algebra so guess what we did? I can just hear her now,”Why don’t we get fake report cards?” Light bulb went off as it seemed like a win/ win solution. Parents happy, me happy…life is good! Now I think that time I changed it to a B. Mama and Daddy were thrilled-- we went to MSU’s Homecoming---life WAS good! I placed fake card in my locker at school because I knew I would need it next time report cards came out. No way I could turn back now…the real ones had my parents forged signature on it. I was really good at both their ‘autographs’ so it seemed smooth sailing.[ ‘Oh what a tangled web’] Next six weeks, around Christmas, grades looked bad in English, Biology, of course Algebra still was awful and actually, they all looked bad. So….oh yes we did…every subject got an upgrade.(even marketing and typing classes) Now, no more average Joe! Holidays were coming around , and it’s the “most wonderful time of the year” and what better gift to give my parents….straight A’s and B’s!!! Hey, especially Mama was thrilled I pulled my algebra up from a B to an A…. high A too!! ( the higher the climb-the HARDER the fall—or CRASH in this case..I have sweaty palms as a type just thinking about it all now) You know…it took a lot of skill to keep up with the lies and not losing the other set of cards. Looks like I could have placed that energy into studying. Ya think? Well, summer is just around the corner ,and I was about to be home free it seemed. I do remember it was beginning to make me numb inside and was feeling the lie I was living. Well, one of my teachers happened to be in the court house one day and ran into my daddy….you know it….BUSTED!!! Oh was I ever!!! This part of the day is forever burned into my memory. First of all on the way home I passed my sister,Kathy, in the road and SHE shook her finger at ME. She NEVER did that so I knew I was caught about something but just wasn’t sure WHICH thing it was!! So, I walked into the door of the kitchen where my mama ,as always at 4 in the afternoon , was cooking supper. Her nose was red which was NEVER good. (she and I have what I call the ‘red nose curse’ that always occurs when you cry-dead give away) She turned to me as if it were slow motion. The only thing she got out of her mouth was “What was your real grade in Algebra?” When I breathlessly answered “27”—DOWN SHE WENT!!!! Out like a light I tell you! I frantically ran to the phone that hung on the wall and called Kathy. I was screaming “I killed Mama, I killed Mama!” I hung up and threw water on her and everything. Oh--did I feel bad bad bad or what!!!! Well, the only other thing I remember was my punishment. My parents should have locked me in a cage or beaten me but….[huge lesson in grace]….they did neither of these things. In fact, the punishment was quiet appropriate. Having only 3 weeks left of school it was imperative I knock the top out of every grade I could! Algebra, as I knew it that year, was over but by the grace of God, I got caught in time to pull all other grades up. I could not go anywhere, talk on the phone to anyone, and had to study A LOT!!! It became a team effort and actually enjoyed hanging out with my parents for a change. I passed every class and made almost straight A’s on all my final exams! It showed myself and reaffirmed what mama and daddy had ALWAYS said…I could make excellent grades if I would just study! It may seem I got off easy…but wait…oh there is more!! When school was over, I was free to regain my social activities, BUT----EVERY weekday morning for the month of June I had to walk with Mama and Kathy a few miles (AWFUL) AND Mama tutored me when we got back until noon in Algebra. Oh…that was the most horrible way to start summer vacation off but…I got in shape and finally learned how to do Algebra. I really did have a final grade of 97 in Algebra the next time I took in. My mama is, and always was, and excellent teacher. Well, the next few years in high school, I made average grades and yes….I studied. I learned many lessons that year. The biggest one….don’t EVER listen to ‘my friend’ again!! Just kidding! No…the main thing I learned was I begin to see , even then, that it’s much better to be really bad at something and ask for help-even if it seems like a set back—rather than pretending to be something we’re not. To wear a mask is exhausting and requires way too much energy. No wonder I really never had any substance in friendships, or any relationships at that age. I was just putting on one mask after another. I did not know who in the world I was so how was anyone else supposed to? Well, I am glad those days are far behind me and God gave me enough wisdom to know how and when to share my past life with my children.(and my mama and daddy) I am so thankful my children have learned from many of my mistakes and though we have laughed, and cried over a few of my past choices, God has used each of them! I am so thankful my parents showed me grace because it spoke louder than any other action that they could have taken! I wish I could say that was the end of my mischievous behavior but.. I can not!!! There was MUCH more that would follow that…however….that’s just all I can tell you for now…but I will say that I NEVER-- EVER had a fake report card again!
Well, I had better go to sleep so I can wake my Walt up early so he can get up- get ready- and leave for school once again as if we were in a race-- just to get there in the nick of time! You know…that’s really no big deal now is it? That’s the least I can do!! I have two choices it seems. I can tell him he will go in plenty of time because I SAID SO…or show him grace and let Walt just be Walt. Thanks to Mama and Daddy, I chose grace.
Until next time—
LO

A Song for Hank

Let me just say that writer’s block just stinks! I have been writing a song for the past couple of days and it’s just about to drive me insaine . I wrote the music in a few hours and am still tweeking it here and there…but the lyrics…. Oh my word! The chorus is done and first verse…well let’s just say… it’s there. But that’s all I’ve got. It is almost like childbirth…(well, not really)but if you have ever created something or any sort of project, you know the feeling. It makes this all the more frustrating because IT IS FOR HANK! In 25 years, I have never written a song just ‘for him’. I have written poems- letters- but no song. I have written about everything BUT my Hank. Why - you may ask? Well, who knows??? One thing ,I think ,is that other lives and love stories(my younger daughter’s for one) have been one for the books!! SERIOUS movie material! Other ‘moments’ in my life that have captured my attention and imagination have been written about…but not Hank…with us it’s the everyday, normal…dependable…predictable…(well, my household is anything but predictable but you get the point) The exciting, breathtaking things that stop my heart can crank out lyrics from me quicker than anything but what Hank and I have shared is the real deal and honestly, sometimes that’s the hardest to write about! IT IS SO HARD TO WRITE about something happy to me .(in a song that is) I can be sooo inspired in a snot-slinging, ice cream eating, heart wrenching meltdown that myself or someone else may be going through. ( you KNOW what I’m talking about)But how do I write a song about everything we’ve been through?How do you sum it all up? I can be on a roll of inspiration and then he’ll make me soooo mad! For example, the other day our 3 year old granddaughter threw up in our den . While I was with her in the back of the house and getting her taken care of…I hear a spraying noise coming from the den. I knew I was out of carpet cleaner and yelled the question down the hall. “What are you spraying in there?” His reply was a sheepish… “nothing”. Hours later when all was calm and back to normal I asked the question again. His answer was “ SCRUBBING BUBBLES!!” (for my BATHTUB) Bless his heart…he sure is special. So, in between busy days and life happening, it’s hard to focus on just what I’d like to really express in a song…just for him…so, I sit at my piano and play. I hear the title as I sing the chorus…I clearly hear this inside my heart as I hear the chords---“I’d Choose You Again”. The music always comes first and as I play it over and over…the words began to surface. The words are in the music…but WHERE ARE THEY?? As most of you may know, Hank and I don’t have a normal story. (By the way.. “normal” is a setting on the dryer) But ours has not been one you would dream of as a little girl. I was pregnant and married in the middle of my senior year.(Is that a country song or what…but I don’t do country -- oh well.) Our life has been hard and I am pretty sure the first 10 years didn’t even count. Oh but did things ever change just before our ten year anniversary!!! We renewed our wedding vows in a special ceremony and really just started over. We learned the hardest way possible that The Lord had to be in the dead center of us to ever make our marriage work. So…here it is , 25 years later and although it’s still been uphill at times…. there is no resemblance of the way we were before! So, I sit at the piano..listening…remembering. Oh the early days…I could get mad, and did , over silly things. ANYTHING. Sometimes he deserved it, sometimes he did not. I remember the first time I made biscuits. They were like little bricks. He looked at me and then the window and said he thought if he threw it at the window, it’d break. (he was so right and I laugh now—not that day though)Mad isn’t the word I can even use to describe how I reacted at the time!!! (Remember…very horomonal and pregnant…I threw bowl of stewed potatoes at him.) Poor thing, I could not cook or do anything when we first married. My Mama even gave me a recipe for BAKED POTATOES! He wore pink underwear for 3 years , and I broke every piece of our everyday dishes we received as wedding gifts-- except a few dinner plates. I threw them all in anger…at him! Once I got after him with pasta claws and even drew blood. (lol still have them and at times still shake them at him…playing though..NOW) Yes, I had a BAD temper to say the least. We just had a really rough time getting started and had no clue how to communicate ! Mostly, we had no clue what REAL love was. As life hit us harder and harder we made many, many mistakes. We each made bad choice after bad choice and tried to fix, hide, or ignore every problem we had. Well, that ended in a train wreck and we were sooooo shattered only God could see the fragments of our lives. He sent people into our lives that helped us study, live, and love according to God’s word. Someday I may go into the issues we faced because someone reading I am sure has been in the same place we were or maybe you are now. Just know WE ARE A MIRACLE!!!!!! If God can heal us, He can heal ANYONE!!! One of my very favorite names of God is Jehova-Rapha which means the God who heals! (AMEN) Now, our life is still hard at times but not in the same way. BIG DIFFERENCE!! The Hank and Lori before don’t even exist!!! [ He might be dead if God hadn’t dealt with my temper. I had a lot of hurt and scars that I had just bandaged up until God touched the depth of me and helped out of the pit] So…maybe this IS the song! Everything we have been through ,grown through, and forgiven through has shaped our lives and made us who we are. I know that I know he loves me with all he is! I also realize more and more ,even as I have been writing this blog, I really , really love this man. We have truly grown up together, and he’s also my very best friend. Even though EVERYTHING we have done has been hard it seems….we sure have had fun! We have 3 amazing kids and wonderful friends! We seem to always have a house full of people.(this is why I must get away sometimes—but I love it!!) We have had more laughter in our little house than I could hope for and the love certainly overflows! I would not trade one day for what we now share. See, this is much more than a song….it’s “our life”. I DO NOT do needle work but know when you look at the back of someone’s finished work it looks like a bunch of tangled thread…however when you turn it around and view the front--- it’s a beautiful picture. I know that’s how I look at our life together. WHAT A MESS until God made into a beautiful work of His art!!I am truly thankful for that! Now, I must get on this song….and hey…this is what little girls dream of AFTER ALL!! To be loved ! Simply just be loved! Well, it seems the words to this song are already written it seems….I just have to properly chose the ones that most fit this music. I better get off the computer and onto the piano now and finish this song ! And I think I may get up early in the morning and cook biscuits for breakfast…..NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!
That’s all I can tell you for now,
LO

My Tree, My Swing...My Heart

A friend of mine asked me recently how I found the TIME or the TOPICS to write about on this blog. I answered something like this…. “Do you remember those ‘magic’ 8 balls we all had as children? Well, we’d ask a question and shake the fire out of them and see the answer that was sure to be the final say to all our questions.(NOT) Anyway, some days I wake up and feel like I have been shaken and the topic is just there before my eyes! I will confess at times I have sat down to write about something and a total different subject flows out onto the screen! And how do I find the time? How do I NOT find the time? A man asked me last night if I had “written on my blog today” and I laughed and told him I had not because I had gone to Memphis/Tupelo however had had the urge to pull off in a nook somewhere and write. I can not-not write. I have tried to get all the tasks marked off my “to do” list before I started writing today, but gave up!!! It’s hopeless….I just had to grab my laptop and write away! So… I settle down and see what’s there, but you see…I already know what’s there. It’s been there for several days but I am not sure how to share this ---so I’ll just simply begin.
Several days ago I was sitting outside at my parents’ house in the swing in my most special place of all time!! The place between their house and the next door neighbors’.(My other home growing up..The Uhirens )Oh me….the MANY stories I have from that family and that I know they have about me - but that’s NOT the point. I will say,however, that my very favorite thing- that was MISSING from MY SPOT was the huge Pin Oak Tree I spent many
days sitting under!! They cut it down a few years ago ,but before Steve Uhiren passed away, he planted a lovely tree that is now just the right size and casts the perfect shade so….It’s ok and what a great memorial for Steve! A few years ago, my precious daddy planted a seedling from my oak tree in our front side yard so it still lives on today but will forever live in my heart as well. As I sat there, not only did memories overtake me, but I could feel them as well. It was enough breeze and chill in the air to take me back…so far back. I could almost see my friends and me catching the leaves on a fall afternoon from that great oak tree as the wind began to blow them from the branches. I remembered playing cars in the dirt under the tree with Tony (Uhiren)when we were younger. (He also talked me into playing chicken with a pocket knife…I stood there and he threw the knife at my feet while I didn’t move-what a stupid game and was I an idiot or what?) He also taught me to play football in the shade of that old tree, and I learned to flip him over my back and onto the ground.(I blame him today for my back problems) As I recall, he even asked me to sing in his wedding sitting under that very tree in my parents driveway on the same day I told him I was pregnant with my second child.(That I went into labor with at his reception) I also remember one October afternoon sitting in that very swing back in, 1979 when we were in the 7th and 8th grade, convincing him he needed to ask my best friend to be his girlfriend! For some reason [I never really understood fully] all the girls were head over hills crazy about him…Tony? Really? Well, maybe I knew him when he had one front tooth missing and the other was silver and we fought more that we did anything,…BUT one thing was for sure… he was the closest thing to a brother I had ever known!! So…he chose my best friend—Deanna Arrington (now Uhiren)—so I guess I did good!!! They always were a perfect fit! They have been married 23 years this June 20th and still are going strong and actually are getting ready for their daughters wedding next June. TIME FLIES!!! As I sat there, I also remembered the many tears I cried under that tree!! See, Tony and I made a deal on that October afternoon sitting in that swing so long ago-- He chose Deanna but the catch was…I had to choose his friend….GROSS! But for Deanna, I’d endure it for a ‘little’ while. Well, that’s where it all began. We all had so much fun together and …if your memory can stretch that far … remember in Jr. High you really have no life …so- we determined to create our on and… we did just that! We stayed plenty busy with our ‘social life’. What stared out as a ‘little’ while lasted over a year. (at age 13…that was an eternity lol) I broke up with him and he went to high school and I was history. Of course I wanted to get back together but after many silly break-ups and spats…he WAS DONE with me! I WAS SHOCKED! After making myself …and everyone around me miserable… I finally came to grips with the fact we were really over and by the time my freshman year came, I was ok with it all. Even though I had a boyfriend -- sort of-- deep inside -- I ALWAYS thought we’d get back together. Then finally, I started dating a guy and guess who was dating my new fellow’s sister? (little ironic ya think?) However, it was the greatest gift because we truly , truly became BEST FRIENDS!! We laughed and sometimes I cried over whatever drama was going on in my life at the time(imagine that) but we always had a great time together! I remember going with him to get a Christmas tree one year for their family. I was walking along and the next thing I knew it I was in the middle of many cows! Scared me to DEATH!! I was SURROUNDED by them and I was screaming to the top of my lungs and he had to come pick me up and literally carry me out from the midst of them over his shoulder. Like Tony, I had a real special place in my heart for my friend--ALMOST like a brother or best friend but I was just SO confused….he never actually said it, but I think he had to be too. In between every break-up with his girl(her brother and I were history by now)…..I always really thought in the back of my mind---ok, now it’s going to be our time. We’d hang out all the time. We may just go swing at the park… bowling… or whatever…just do nothing but always knew the other one could be there in a second if one needed the other. Well, as the summer was winding down, so were my patients. I was totally convinced he felt the same way and I could not take this any more. We spent every day together and the looks, the flirting, and even a kiss just cinched it for me. I know this all sounds so immature and silly now, but just know at that time in my life…that WAS my life! I had played this moment in my mind hundreds of times and each time I saw it ending beautifully. I’d waited almost 4 years for this moment so--being true to my nature---I HAD to tell him. I was so scared! He never knew I had had those feelings and certainly did not know that I had really never gotten over him. Did he not feel this all too? I had four years worth of pictures, poems, letters, borrowed for some reason- and most importantly…every single memory we’d ever made was deep inside my heart! Now…the time had come because I HAD TO KNOW once and for all!! Finally one summer night in late August, I came clean and poured my heart out to him… everything….I held nothing back…and much to my surprise…he didn’t return the feelings.[ I could not believe how wrong I had been... he really did not love me. Never had] All these years I had just been dreaming? I remember feeling paralyzed, ashamed, and some emotions I couldn’t even put a name to. Yes, he had been my best friend, but so much more…he was the heart of me. I was devastated! School started shortly after that and in humiliation I had to face him at school. What HAD I been thinking and how could I have been SO wrong?[I had always been so good at calling people on their true feelings..but not that time] Now all the hopes and dreams I had always held with a secret anticipation that we’d someday be together were gone. I was hurt and what do people that are hurting do best???? HURT OTHER PEOPLE! While sitting in class, we got into a heated argument and I just hauled off and slapped him harder than I thought I could ever slap anyone.(never had slapped anyone before but I sure did that day) And that was just the beginning….he was planning a back to school bon fire and he wrote and handed out slips of paper that invited everyone and in parenthesis were the words(except Lori Thomas) I really just wanted to die. One thing I really tried to remember when I became a parent is not to ever discount young love…it’s real to them and it DOES HURT! As I sat in the swing at Mama’s that afternoon, I still could vividly remember the pain my young heart felt so many years back.I also remembered crying until I could no longer cry! All my friends were sick and tired of hearing me moan and groan and back then, you just didn’t talk to your parents like you can now. So, for the most part, I tried to just hide it….just pretend the hurt had gone away…put a mask on which-- began a pattern in my life that lasted many, many years. Life, as I had known it, was over. All our friends were mutual… ‘our friends’. Where could I hide? What was I supposed to do now—or go? I was shattered and everywhere I looked were fragments of my young heart and life! As ridiculous as this may sound ,please understand this was my heart and all I’d ever wanted or known… in an instant… was gone! Wouldn’t you know it…it was fall…again and as I sat in the swing one afternoon—I just decided to walk right out of my life. (and basically that is just what I did)Anyone that was my friend back then may not have even noticed but I begin slipping away a little piece at a time and….I left my life. I walked away from every close friendship I had ever known. God was watching me even then(prevenient grace) and actually sent Hank Harrington into my life. For the remainder of that year, I was always with Hank. Seldom was I ever was with anyone else, besides my sister that loved me NO MATTER WHAT!! (She will have a blog dedicated just for her own one day but not this day…just know I would not have survived all that without her loving heart and shoulders to lean on which I am surprised I didn’t break I leaned so hard…I love you so much, Kathy..thanks for helping me grow up) Now, it has all worked out over time and I am blesses with a true and real love with my Hank and God has given us the most special love! I have told him many times that he was ,besides my family, the only person that has really ever loved me! (as it should be) What a gift his love has been and I love him with all I am!! But the first several years were a mess!!! I had so much unresolved junk and learned the hard way that you NEVER walk away from your life or a bad circumstances.(EVEN IF YOU ARE A TEENAGER…IT ALL MATTERS) Each choice determines where you end up so pay close attention where you are heading. Walking away from difficulty became a way of coping for me. When my daughters begin to date , I listened with ALL MY HEART to every detail and boy there were many details, but I never wanted them to not walk through situations and never encouraged them to walk away from them.(With all things in their lives) Even though my life is in a TOTALLY different place now, I sat on that swing at Mama’s the other day and went straight back in time to a place I hadn’t been in so long…. To a place where my first love had basically ended just where it had began. A place that I had long since forgotten- where a young heart had completely lost its way and really had given up… to a place where the shadows gathered in the corners of my heart. No one really ever knew how broken I was and how deep that hurt really went and certainly just how long it took my heart to recover. Now that I am a parent-- that really scares me. At age 16 we don’t realize we have so many more spaces to fill and God has so much more growing up for us to do!! I am better for all the valleys I have endured and have faced in my life but am thankful He gave me the desire to look back so He could show me EVEN THEN He loved me and was just waiting on me to love Him!(and BELIEVE ME THE VALLEYS GOT MUCH DEEPER AND HARDER THAN ENDURING THE LOSS OF YOUR FIRST LOVE) As I write this , may we all remember the valleys and mountains we must endure and overcome in this life are a given, but remember it’s the little things that may have led us to happen upon them in the first place. Whatever hurt, disappointment, or circumstances you may find yourself in today --just know that God uses and cares for every bit of it!!(He wastes NOTHING and He has shown this to Hank and myself OVER AND OVER) I seldom see my old ‘friend’ anymore although from time to time we meet in passing. I have often wondered if he ever really knew how much I cared for him back then and just how deeply I was hurt…then wonder if he even cared. Well, some things will always remain a mystery I guess. Although I would NEVER go back even ONE DAY of my life because I KNOW I am exactly were God created me to be and with the one He created me to be with(thank you Lord for that)… I would change one thing and that would be that I would have not ruined a perfectly good friendship. It’s sad we could not have remained friends and I wish hadn’t read so much more into something that obviously was just my ‘hopeless romantic’ self getting in the way.(Probably too much Days of our Lives..lol) Well…I have learned quite a lot over the years and hope that what I have learned has made me a better wife, parent , friend and just a better person in general. One thing is for certain, I listen to what others say and especially the things they don’t say…for those unspoken words are often the loudest. And you never know what someone, YOUNG and old are going through so ---go sit in your ‘swing’ and remember what it was like to be young , hurt, or whatever you have chosen to just walk away from without letting go of… It’s still there you know. You may find, like I did, you learned some really lousy ways of dealing with life way back in your younger days. It’s ok to look back and remember just don’t forget to LET GO before you walk away….and maybe, just maybe, you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself and you will smile at how much you have grown and learned from life so far… .. One thing I know…I am going shopping for a swing for my oak tree in my front yard…actually, the place between our house and my neighbors house…it’s the perfect spot after all.

That’s all for now,
LO

The Song Inside

My ipod is one of my new favorite things!! As I have mentioned in prior blogs, it plays the soundtrack of my life! Many genres are represented and are equipped to accompany any mood that I may find myself in at any time of day.(or usually night) Even though my personality may scream sanguine…I really have more of a melancholy personality. I love to put my earphones in my ears and just transport to where I can completely unplug from my world for a little while.(I have been doing that a lot lately it seems)The thing I have enjoyed the MOST about downloading music on i-tunes is I have , at my fingertips, any song my heart desires!! OH MY!!! This is a music lovers dream come true! Growing up we bought a 45 record or an album. My favorite pastime was to here a song somewhere and try to guess who I thought the musician was then----“hunt” for a match! Example: Did any of you happen to know that I am a Days of Our Lives fan? (ha ha—calm down..it’s just a joke) Anyway, I remember many days during my teen years hearing a song on an episode and thinking..hey, I know that voice! Sure enough…matched Peabo Bryson, Eric Carmen , and several others! One that I fell in love with from that show is on my I pod today. Eric Carmen has been one of my favorites for decades. His hits were ‘Never Gonna Fall in Love Again’ –‘Hungry Eyes’—‘All By Myself’(His version is much better than Celien’s in my opinion-and do I sound a bit like Casey Kasem or is that just me?) My favorite, however, was never popular but debuted on Days in summer of 1983 and was entitled ‘The Way We Used to Be’. I will never forget matching his voice and FINALLY locating the album in the mall in Oxford! I was equally thrilled finding it on i tunes! Hey, some people collect dishes, shoes, jewelry, etc…I collect music! I can’t remember not being absolutely in love with it!!! My very first favorite song was ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’. My family would beg me to turn off my little blue record player and try to convince me it was tired! Lol ( that never worked) My second obsession was David Cassidy at age 4. OH MY!!! Still have 3 Partridge Family albums but didn’t feel urge to download on I tunes.( sorry David, please forgive me-Shaun, you too.. I once loved you as well) My love is for such an array of music. I am listening to the ‘Phantom of the Opera’ at this moment , but my I pod is on shuffle so KISS may bust out next! I have some Garth, Mariah,James Ingrim, Barry Manilow, Elton John, Josh Groban,Lori Harrington, classical , Billy Joel, Jessica Simpson , GLADYS KNIGHT, and TONS more! I never know what’s next! (kind of like life – ya think—and that was a little exciting putting my name among those greats!) One thing I have gotten a kick out over the years is hearing lyrics in a song that I HAD WRITTEN LONG before that song was even a thought. Guess it should upset me that I never got that credit but I’m just grateful I had a great idea for a song! I wrote my very first song at age 15 years old after my favorite teacher in high school,MRS HILL, challenged us during our poetry section to write our own. Well, that started it all…..took me fifteen minutes to write “It Was You” . A dear friend of mine had been killed in a car wreck the year prior and much was inside me ---so, the music therapy begin! What healing! Oh my that was the greatest thrill or so I thought…few weeks later my AMAZING voice teacher , Jane Smith, played my melody.DID SHE EVER!!!!!!! It was a REAL song! We took it to a local guy that had a make-shift studio in his house. Drums, base and acoustic guitar were added…..OH MY!!! I recorded it and my musical dreams were born , and my life long love affair with creating music or birthing whatever is inside me that needs to be expressed! I even was sent to the Mid-South Fair in Memphis with that song! Later, I went on to write many more and still crank out a few now and then. I play my own keyboard now though. (ear only—don’t be impressed) Enough to send for a copyright though. One song on my I pod is ‘All My Life’ by K-Ci & Jojo! (ooo “Aubrey” by Bread just came on!!---love it) Anyway, I will never forget hearing that song for the first time and hearing “You picked me up when I was down” ---my lyrics from 1983 ‘It Was You’ --“You picked me up so high I thought I never would come down”-----that was pretty cool!! And once in an Elton John song in the 90’s he had used an identical chord progression as me !(Tabb Dendy witnessed that!) Often little reminders of my past lyrics or music pop up and always make me smile! People often ask me if my songs are inspired or made up! I’ll say ...both. Now, one of my personal favorites that I wrote in 1989 was “Winds of Change”. (Actually won Gum Tree Songwriter’s Contest with it) Sounds like a true love song , and while it may have had 'hint' of past remembrance in it ,but the main source of inspiration was we were FLAT BROKE! I find I write the best music when I am in a TRUE TRUE mellow funk!(weird or unique—use which word you prefer) It’s like I can’t rest until I have truly given birth to a song…everything I have ends up being poured into a song I’m writing. My feeble attempt at the piano always becomes a full symphony in my head and heart. The words are always in there, they just have to surface to my heart and onto paper! I’m always exhausted but ecstatic after I’ve completed a song! It’s been a few years since I have written a song. Oh, we have had PLENTY of drama but haven’t had the desire that I have to get before I can write a song. Where has it gone? I wonder if my song is gone or just hiding? My biggest fear is not to feel the words or music or to lose my passion. How dull life must be for someone who lives without passion.(James Ingrum…”How Do You Keep the Music Playing is on now—BEAUTIFUL) I think the most miserable soul in this world is the one who had passion and misplaced it---or IGNORED it so long they forgot it… Or just flat lost it!! That would be death to a part of them…. A part I truly believe God created for a purpose. You know someone , I am sure , who just gave up on dreams , people, or maybe even life because they didn’t see it working the way they thought it would. Well, my question is does anything really turn out the way anyone thinks??? Heavens NO!! I don’t really think one part of my life was what I expected it to be….but what happy a surprise most of it’s been! When my girls would be having a life crisis growing up, we’d get out the spoons and Blue Bell and TALK TALK TALK…and with Marykelli, we’d always CRY CRY CRY too!! But to both of them I’d remind them that it was ALWAYS something next! Expect it and be excited because change was inevitable…life always happens!! I still tell myself and my girls this.(Walt doesn’t really care right now—boys are different) Just like my I pod shuffle…..it’s always surprise what’s next!(Bryan’s Song is on now…one I wrote for Marykelli…good one and good timing) I thought at one time, because I lived in Houston, that my dreams couldn’t come true…well, I’m still alive and have a lot of living to do!! My dreams come true every day in one way or the other! I wrote a children's book back in 1990 and am about to send it to a publisher.(Marykelli illistrated it when she grew up) Will they say no..yes..will I hear anything at all... WHO CARES?? I will have done it…and hey, do you know how many publishers are in this world? I also have recorded several songs in my life in a studios from Nashville and all over Mississippi. Not that I could have “made it”, but realized early on that I’d rather have my family than that lifestyle !! I still record in studios but now just because I love it! So , I have peace knowing I accomplished part of that dream. Enough of it to know that God had a different dream weaving inside my heart . His are always BEST! Imagine that! That God sure is good! Well, I am sleepy and am headed for bed. Maybe I will write a song soon but even though it may not manifest…I realize that I always have a song inside. ALWAYS. Sometimes I forget to stop and hear the music but that doesn't mean it's not there now does it? And I always need to remember...that is where I find the words also! It’s part of me…it’s who I am. And who knows what’s next….but you can bet ….SOMETHING IS!!Get excited…life is happening... (Aww Man…. “Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill is on now----LOVE IT)
Well, that’s all for now…my music and I are going to sleep. OH WAIT…”When Doves Cry” just came on! Going to bed AFTER I try once more to remember our cheerleader dance we did to this song senior year.(No wonder I can never sleep) My what's next happens so fast sometimes.

All for now....
LO