A Song for Hank

Let me just say that writer’s block just stinks! I have been writing a song for the past couple of days and it’s just about to drive me insaine . I wrote the music in a few hours and am still tweeking it here and there…but the lyrics…. Oh my word! The chorus is done and first verse…well let’s just say… it’s there. But that’s all I’ve got. It is almost like childbirth…(well, not really)but if you have ever created something or any sort of project, you know the feeling. It makes this all the more frustrating because IT IS FOR HANK! In 25 years, I have never written a song just ‘for him’. I have written poems- letters- but no song. I have written about everything BUT my Hank. Why - you may ask? Well, who knows??? One thing ,I think ,is that other lives and love stories(my younger daughter’s for one) have been one for the books!! SERIOUS movie material! Other ‘moments’ in my life that have captured my attention and imagination have been written about…but not Hank…with us it’s the everyday, normal…dependable…predictable…(well, my household is anything but predictable but you get the point) The exciting, breathtaking things that stop my heart can crank out lyrics from me quicker than anything but what Hank and I have shared is the real deal and honestly, sometimes that’s the hardest to write about! IT IS SO HARD TO WRITE about something happy to me .(in a song that is) I can be sooo inspired in a snot-slinging, ice cream eating, heart wrenching meltdown that myself or someone else may be going through. ( you KNOW what I’m talking about)But how do I write a song about everything we’ve been through?How do you sum it all up? I can be on a roll of inspiration and then he’ll make me soooo mad! For example, the other day our 3 year old granddaughter threw up in our den . While I was with her in the back of the house and getting her taken care of…I hear a spraying noise coming from the den. I knew I was out of carpet cleaner and yelled the question down the hall. “What are you spraying in there?” His reply was a sheepish… “nothing”. Hours later when all was calm and back to normal I asked the question again. His answer was “ SCRUBBING BUBBLES!!” (for my BATHTUB) Bless his heart…he sure is special. So, in between busy days and life happening, it’s hard to focus on just what I’d like to really express in a song…just for him…so, I sit at my piano and play. I hear the title as I sing the chorus…I clearly hear this inside my heart as I hear the chords---“I’d Choose You Again”. The music always comes first and as I play it over and over…the words began to surface. The words are in the music…but WHERE ARE THEY?? As most of you may know, Hank and I don’t have a normal story. (By the way.. “normal” is a setting on the dryer) But ours has not been one you would dream of as a little girl. I was pregnant and married in the middle of my senior year.(Is that a country song or what…but I don’t do country -- oh well.) Our life has been hard and I am pretty sure the first 10 years didn’t even count. Oh but did things ever change just before our ten year anniversary!!! We renewed our wedding vows in a special ceremony and really just started over. We learned the hardest way possible that The Lord had to be in the dead center of us to ever make our marriage work. So…here it is , 25 years later and although it’s still been uphill at times…. there is no resemblance of the way we were before! So, I sit at the piano..listening…remembering. Oh the early days…I could get mad, and did , over silly things. ANYTHING. Sometimes he deserved it, sometimes he did not. I remember the first time I made biscuits. They were like little bricks. He looked at me and then the window and said he thought if he threw it at the window, it’d break. (he was so right and I laugh now—not that day though)Mad isn’t the word I can even use to describe how I reacted at the time!!! (Remember…very horomonal and pregnant…I threw bowl of stewed potatoes at him.) Poor thing, I could not cook or do anything when we first married. My Mama even gave me a recipe for BAKED POTATOES! He wore pink underwear for 3 years , and I broke every piece of our everyday dishes we received as wedding gifts-- except a few dinner plates. I threw them all in anger…at him! Once I got after him with pasta claws and even drew blood. (lol still have them and at times still shake them at him…playing though..NOW) Yes, I had a BAD temper to say the least. We just had a really rough time getting started and had no clue how to communicate ! Mostly, we had no clue what REAL love was. As life hit us harder and harder we made many, many mistakes. We each made bad choice after bad choice and tried to fix, hide, or ignore every problem we had. Well, that ended in a train wreck and we were sooooo shattered only God could see the fragments of our lives. He sent people into our lives that helped us study, live, and love according to God’s word. Someday I may go into the issues we faced because someone reading I am sure has been in the same place we were or maybe you are now. Just know WE ARE A MIRACLE!!!!!! If God can heal us, He can heal ANYONE!!! One of my very favorite names of God is Jehova-Rapha which means the God who heals! (AMEN) Now, our life is still hard at times but not in the same way. BIG DIFFERENCE!! The Hank and Lori before don’t even exist!!! [ He might be dead if God hadn’t dealt with my temper. I had a lot of hurt and scars that I had just bandaged up until God touched the depth of me and helped out of the pit] So…maybe this IS the song! Everything we have been through ,grown through, and forgiven through has shaped our lives and made us who we are. I know that I know he loves me with all he is! I also realize more and more ,even as I have been writing this blog, I really , really love this man. We have truly grown up together, and he’s also my very best friend. Even though EVERYTHING we have done has been hard it seems….we sure have had fun! We have 3 amazing kids and wonderful friends! We seem to always have a house full of people.(this is why I must get away sometimes—but I love it!!) We have had more laughter in our little house than I could hope for and the love certainly overflows! I would not trade one day for what we now share. See, this is much more than a song….it’s “our life”. I DO NOT do needle work but know when you look at the back of someone’s finished work it looks like a bunch of tangled thread…however when you turn it around and view the front--- it’s a beautiful picture. I know that’s how I look at our life together. WHAT A MESS until God made into a beautiful work of His art!!I am truly thankful for that! Now, I must get on this song….and hey…this is what little girls dream of AFTER ALL!! To be loved ! Simply just be loved! Well, it seems the words to this song are already written it seems….I just have to properly chose the ones that most fit this music. I better get off the computer and onto the piano now and finish this song ! And I think I may get up early in the morning and cook biscuits for breakfast…..NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!
That’s all I can tell you for now,
LO