As I shared last time, there are things that remain in our heart long after moments are gone. It's hard to believe but some carry them around for a lifetime. Why? Well, probably for many reasons. Maybe they were afraid to look because it may hurt-maybe they thought if they looked back, they could never go forward again. Yes, some memories are painful but ignoring them and never taking them out and looking at them just makes them old AND painful. I think of old photographs that have been neglected and yellowed with age.( maybe even brittle) Well, I think of memories as pictures we take with our heart. Left unremembered , good or bad....they just fall apart and are scattered fragments that blow aimlessly to fall where they may. Now, some are wonderful! You know, recalling the "back in the day" stories among former classmates, family memories of growing up, birth of children(and grandchildren),etc....You see what I mean. Today however(and I'm overjoyed I have words at 4:40 in the afternoon) I want to talk about something tender to my heart. Now let me put the disclaimer out now...this has NOTHING to do with the Lord and His mighty hand having power to heal and make someone whole!!! (Jehovah-Rapha---God who heals) I AM PROOF OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!! So please don't feel the need to send me a trail of scripture to prove the point....I know and AGREE 100% with you! Having said that let me get to the heart of what I am talking about. I was talking with a friend of mine that I hadn't heard from in years. We discussed kids, life, jobs....life catching up stuff. Being the nosey and hopeless romantic I am.....I asked the forbidden question people usually avoid. You know , about THE ONE that someone really loved but.....life happened. Well, true to my nature, you guessed it. I came right out and asked if this guy really thought he had had a real love for this for this young lady or looking back maybe wasn't that big of deal. I really felt the latter would be the answer it being that about 30 years had past. Well, the answer was not what I really expected...or was it? People don't realize how deeply a heart can be touched and sometimes, just sometimes, the fingerprints linger a lifetime. As I began listening, I realized this gentleman had made a life and although was divorced, had wonderful children he loved very much. Seemed very content with life and a peace that the Lord only can give. You could hear in his voice the pride he had for his children and his family and many times stated how that his children were his heart and life was worth it all because of them. No regrets! As we talked some more however, he drifted back in time. (I think the FBI should hire me for interrogating people because I can worm stuff out of others that seems to have been inside for years.) True , not everyone needs or wants to hear your stuff...but many times, people need to say things out loud. As I heard the words I could also hear his heart. My heart ached as he recanted his memory of a lady he had loved very much a long,long time ago. He said he had dated girls before but when he met her....everything clicked. He just knew there was none like her and no one ever "fit" him that way before.( sad thing that got me.. or since.) Oh, he functions fine and is a very well rounded human being but my point....that soul tie is there and always will be!It seemed to be a love that very few ever get the chance to experience. Certainly was not the reason his marriage ended after a few years, but even his wife didn't touch the place she had held long ago. The thing is that I have seen over and over again is when someone holds your heart, if you don't get it back, how can you ever really give it away to someone else.And when someone touches your soul...really touches your soul....there's no way you can ever really go back. Love like that only happens once in a lifetime. You know when you can look into someones eyes and truly see their soul it seems. Well this is what I was hearing... So long ago but still so real! Then he told me the things he'd loved the most about her and above all-- wanted her to be happy more than anything. In much confusion she had left him and married someone else. He described the last time he saw her and with an unassuming grace --- he let her go. He never spoke to her or saw her again . His love was too strong to try to change her mind or barge into her life because that is what love does. It just holds loosely....so there is freedom to leave or stay. He said he often , even on family vacations, wondered as he sat on the beach, if he just may happen to run into her. And what broke my heart were the words...."and a rare day goes by that I don't think of her." Oh, the tears just filled my eyes because my heart could not contain them any longer. Later he said as we said our goodbyes that it'd been about 30 years since he'd even shared that in any detail...but I'm glad he did. It shows me first of all how thankful I am that my younger daughter is with THE LOVE OF HER LIFE! She almost missed it...and I know that her eyes had something missing as long as he was not in her life. I also realize one person can't have a love that deep without feelings being shared....not that kind of love. The saddest realization is however that although God can make all things new and take our sorrow and pasts and make all things new ....sometimes, the ache remains. We Christians, myself for sure, think we know all the answers. This man had nothing to prove or to gain. He graciously answered a nosey lady's question and that was it. Lost loves , especially when there is no closure, just leaves a haunting ache. Sometimes circumstances of our on choosing --- or whatever the reason----some just live with the fact that there is someone they will always love and they will cherish the moments that they left behind for a lifetime. I seriously doubt, unlike Hollywood, that these two ever meet up again...but in the ocean of a heart...they have never been apart! My bet is....in hers either.
Well, I am sure there is much more I don't know about this paticular story and this time....but it's all I know about it... and it's enough to close out this entry with tears in my eyes.
Lo
No comments:
Post a Comment