The colors are absolutely gorgeous this time of year. Fall is by far my favorite time of the year. The trees are a lovely red, yellow, and orange…beautiful!! I love this time of year because it is the welcome mat for the holiday season! LOVE everything about it!! I don’t appreciate how commercial everything is though and that we are tempted to skip over our lives and not stop at each season. I can’t believe Christmas is already being pushed on us and it is not Halloween yet!!! Thanksgiving is my very favorite and it is often lost in the holiday shuffle. Now I know many people have opinions about Halloween these days. I loved back in the day when we didn’t know all we know now. Life was so much simpler!! If you haven’t noticed, I am one of these people that remember everything. (well, a lot of stuff anyway..ha ha…and some of my buddies from high school cringe in fear that I will share a little too much on this blog) Well, don’t worry…not this day I am not anyway! The first Halloween I remember was when I was about 3 years old. I was Casper.I well remember because we lived in Houlka, and I remember thinking no one recognized me with my mask on and felt so led to let everyone know it was me.(like mama wasn’t a dead give away) If I didn’t remember it, we have it on home movies. My daddy shot footage of my sister , first cousins, and me playing in driveway at dusk just before we went out to beg or neighbors for candy. They were all dressed up as hobos and were dancing around on camera. Of course, being “THE” baby, I didn’t want to share the spotlight so I start really showing out!(Can you believe it…ME …showing out??) Anyway, I am doing a little Casper dance and daddy starts filming me then the camera comes in closer and closer and closer right as I dig my undees out of my pants. I mean really DIG!! Now we have preserved it forever because it’s on film. Lucky me…well it is funny to watch! I really don’t have any other trick or treat memories that stand out but loved to dress my babies up! Oh they were so cute! We’ve been everything from Raggedy Anne, cheerleaders, Elmo, and even a red crayon. My nephews were ALWAYS a clown or a cowboy! Adorable! My niece was a pirate more than once. She’s such a prissy thing now so it is funny to think of that now!! Lol My favorite thing to this day is ending up at my Mama’s and Daddy’s house for a caramel apple!! Every year as long as my memory can stretch, my mother has made caramel apples on Halloween(Except about 2years ago and she thought we were all on diets and didn’t want them…so sad) I love to hand out candy at her house too. Living out of city limits, we never get trick or treating children. Now I know many have a problem with the entire thing these days but…I happen to love it all! However, I have many memories of the trick part of the season as well. Many yards have I rolled in my lifetime. Pranks, yes…destroying property…NO!!! Lan Gooch lived 2 doors down from us and mama taught him 7th grade math.(she taught everyone) The day before Halloween she moved him behind a girl he thought he was too good to sit behind and thought that warrented EGGING our house. She was so upset , as well she should have been. (the roof still leaks there)I learned first hand what an egg can do to a house. I promised I would never ever egg or harm another’s property in that way. In my high school years our teacher, Danny Lantrip’s house got egged. I was there but had NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT EGGING. Did shaving cream his sons little motor cycle. That teacher told entire class I was the one that did that!!!!!!!!!!! I still get mad being falsely accused of that but surely by now, if I did it, you all that read my blog would know that I would fess up to it!(He was the teacher that busted me out about fake report cards so I guess he thought I was only one with motive) Well, he was wrong!! Anyway…I would have to say my very favorite Halloween memories of all time though would be “The Subdivision” memories. We thought we had arrived when we were in 7th grade and got to go there for the first time. This is where the master minds got cranked up with pranks. I am certain we rolled yards but what I remember that first year I went was the mess we must have made in Bonnie Putnam’s yard. Mark Lee’s mama just let us have at it in her yard!! That is the only time my mama EVERgave me permission to throw an egg.(at other people) If you weren’t there, this sounds exteremeley ridiculous…but if you are lucky enough to share this memory with me…you remember how much fun we had!! We had shaving cream,eggs, and who knows what else that night. I just remember everyone just letting everyone else have it!!! Laughing the entire time. I well remember while having goo all over me, two guys came from behind and poured a trash bag of leaves all over me and of course they stuck to me!!! LOL ( I was soooo nasty.) I remember Hal Craig’s mama making my friend ,Kristie, and I go into her house to clean up before my poor mama could take me home in the car. What a fun memory! Just know the art of tricking was passed down well to my children. I remember my family getting an entire case of toilet paper a few years back to get one yard.( Hal Craig’s sister Carol and her family’s yard) Her daughter was a former youth of mine and had gotten our yard when we were out of town prey good. I give it a B-… Payback is something we take seriously around here!!! It was our finest work of art I must say. People still brag on that job!!! However, my oldest daughter’s favorite prank by far was saran wrapping vehicles!! Oh me….her goal in college was to wrap the campus police’s car. Thankfully , she never got an opportunity to try it. However, she managed to wrap a teacher’s house once with the teacher inside. She is soooo mischivious. (really don’t know where she gets that from) lol Well, her daughter, my precious granddaughter, is going to be Dorthy this Halloween. SHE IS ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!! I am thinking she has a sneaky bone or two also…so we all need to rest while we can!!(matter of fact…I am 100% sure of that) Well, it has been a few years since I have rolled a yard and decades since I have had an egg/shaving cream fight in someone’s yard..but the fun fun memories live on! I am aware that this time has evil roots but for me….it is just too fun!!! I sometimes yearn for the simple lifestyles we all once knew and enjoyed. We make a big deal out of everything now but wouldn’t it be nice if , on some level, we weren’t as informed as we are. I remember how upset I was to hear all the information on Halloween. Members of my family stopped trick or treating and many seemed confused on what to do. I, being a Christian, had mixed emotions. I felt like I was wrong if I participated in it but inside still wanted to. I almost felt looked down upon by my Christian friends and family if I did take my kids out on Halloween. I later asked myself..why would I not? Because of MY conviction or fear of what SOMEONE else thought I should do? Well, soon I came to the conclusion it was not convicting to me….so I took my kids trick or treating. True, I no longer decorate for it simply because I would rather decorate for fall, but I truly love to hand out candy, see kids dressed up, and yes…hear about the mischief kids can still come up with. And…who knows…I may go roll a yard or two this year….Watch out Danny Lantrip….I know where you live!

I Went Mask Free

Well, we had our class reunion a few weekends ago. I’ll admit-- I really didn’t really know what to expect. You go to school with people for about twelve years and you know all about them when you graduate…. Or do you? Well, on some level you do…but how shallow of us to presume we really know all about others like we think we do. We wore masks even then didn’t we? You know, it was so typical at our ten year reunion to form individual groups as we caught up with one another.( It looked like break at school the way we were all in different little circles talking.) The biggest difference at this reunion is that everyone visited everyone and boy how awesome that was! I really went to school with some really interesting people and although I really tried to know everyone during my school days, I was soooo busy with my schemes and love life I seldom thought of anyone else.(Very self absorbed) Well, I did have many things to keep up with, as I have shared in many blogs prior. The report card scandal was just one small example. I exhaust myself just thinking of all the secrets I had going on and during that time in my life. Boy, what a loaded cannon I was and YES….every single choice I made shaped and determined my life!! I have committed my life to sharing, not only with my own children, but youth in general.(and women..actually-anyone who will listen) Yes, my life is blessed NOW…but getting here was not the best path. Interestingly, everyone seemed to sense the same thing. We all seemed wiser, more mature, and truly wanted to really visit with one another. For me, it was almost as if it were a big reveal! I may have been the only one, besides Hank, that realized it, but for the first time…many of these classmates and teachers were seeing ‘Lori’ for the first time. As I briefly mentioned in my report card blog, I wore many masks! They became so familiar, I brought them right into adulthood with me. There really is no starting line that says “This is where your adult life begins and your youth ends!” Unfortunately, some of us don’t ever recognize the fact we may need to adjust our lives a bit. Well, as I was gathering memorabilia I was looking through my annuals. OH ME!!!! I can’t believe the things people actually wrote in my annual. Anna Marie---woman, you won’t do!! You just put our entire summer activities in a brief summary every single year. (It did make me laugh though..I just love you) Memories...they sure are a funny thing. Like spray painting the school parking lot… ‘maybe’ a bridge- getting busted swimming LATE at night at the Country Club—Julie would write a small essay, also. She’d recap our life for the entire year. I really enjoy reading each one of them still. Actually, several friends took up a page or half anyway. (over advertisements and everything) I get mad every single time I look at my senior annual though. I didn’t go back after school to get my most talented picture made. That is the only thing I ever even cared about getting…and I missed the picture!! Well….maybe people remembered my love for music anyway! The saddest thing , however, was as I looked closer at my senior annual, I realized I was pregnant in every single picture! Yes, I have shared that I got pregnant in the middle of my senior year and was married in March, but what many had no clue about is that I was pregnant two times during my senior year. Hank went to Mississippi State University after graduating. He was a freshman while I was still in high school. We found out I was pregnant in October just before our homecoming. I had never been homecoming maid and was very honored and excited. The doctor’s wife that I secretly allowed to test me to see if I was pregnant also took it upon herself to make an appointment for me to have an abortion. So, being naive, scared, and confused we decided that was the right thing to do.(that doctor no longer practices medicine in Houston anymore so don’t think you even know who it was) If no one ever knew, it’d be like it never happened and it would just go away.(and it was a closely guarded secret believe me) So...in early November of my senior year, that is just what I did. I will not go into the details but let’s just say…once again, my young self was wrong. I really thought I was going to die. And although I did not realize it that day, but a part of me really did die. A piece of my mother’s heart would be gone forever…a baby I would never know….and I could tell NO ONE!! So, another mask…that was the biggest I’d ever worn up until that time. The strangest twist in all this is that 3 weeks later I was back with Hank-- and 3 months later--- we were having another baby. No discussion. We were married. Oh me…..no one can even begin to imagine how hard those years really were. He never wanted to talk about it and I always wanted to. It wasn’t until ten long years later, IN NOVEMBER when I had a miscarriage, that the truth would be forced out into the open for us to really deal with. (It was 10 years almost to the day between the 2 babies) There were too many similarities between the DNC that had to be performed and the abortion(Except I was asleep for the DNC) More so than that, I wanted one baby and had not wanted the other. Well, what Satan means for evil…GOD CAN USE FOR GOOD and DID HE EVER! After much counseling , soul searching, and God’s surgery that He performed with His WORD….a great healing began.(Please note that there is no sharper, accurate, or more precise tool The Lord could have used on my heart… HIS WORD…that’s all that He needed) Our lives, marriage, and little family was finally being restored. Hank and I had several issues to work and talk through…but God was finally allowed to be in control and center of our family. Please know we by far have it all together or figured out but from that moment on--- our life has no longer been in our hands but in the Lord’s. So…as I thought back over all the things that had shaped so much of my life that had begun way back in high school… I could only wonder if anyone else could relate to the feelings I was having. Maybe not the same circumstances …but did any of us actually have a clue what was really going on when we were so young? Did adulthood sneak up on each of us and blend so with ourselves that we really never realized it was time to give up, at least some of, our juvenile ways? Even though I learned some hard life lessons --and lived through years of playing hiding- seek from God, family/friends, and myself—I will never think back with regret for my past. I know that I know I AM FORGIVEN!! I will always have a scar, that’s true. Every wound or incision leaves a scar…however, the nerve endings are no longer sensitive to the same pain as before. There will always be a reminder inside my heart from the scar left from aborting my baby .. but PRAISE God, it now has been redeemed and is a part I have allowed God to use in many ways and in others lives. Sharing with others that too have dealt with the same losses and circumstances we have has been some of the healing process for Hank and I as a couple and as individuals. It’s just now part of who we are. Actually, it changed our entire family. We have FIVE children. Of course three on this earth, and two in heaven. I feel as if our children in heaven are joined at the hip almost. The one we lost to miscarriage, in some way, introduced us to our baby we aborted. Those two children have had as much of an impact on our family life as the three with us on earth.“ God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”---Romans 8:28 There are many other pieces of my “life’s garbage” He’s recycled but this one is the most precious to my heart. If God did that for me…imagine what He CAN, and WILL do, for anyone!!! He’s just SO GOD!!!! I really don’t think I was the only one that wore masks in high school (matter of fact—I KNOW I wasn’t) and yes, maybe they too wore them into adulthood as well. Some, bless them, may still be wearing them, but I hope they know that life sure is better without those stuffy old things!! I can only speak for myself, but I am way too scattered to keep up with which mask I would need to have on and when.(pretty sure I suffer from adult A. D. D.) I am glad that now when anyone sees me, they are really seeing- me. Just me….no more…no less. I do not think that everyone in the world should share their stuff…but I KNOW God has called ME to share some of mine. If anyone can benefit from anything my life can offer, how can I not share? I also believe that if you keep wearing a mask… it WILL get harder to breathe and harder to keep up with all of them. I realize now when I make a friend, it’s really ME making a friend. No wonder I enjoyed visiting people at the reunion… “I” was at the reunion. Not some copy of someone else or someone afraid to be real..but me…mask free!! Hey—and the next time you think you know someone well---inside and out---just know that they too may wear a mask. Don’t ‘assume’ anything. Always be real, authentic, your true self….because in doing so…you may inspire someone else to be also. You never know now do you? And remember this as well-- when someone has spent a lifetime wearing a mask and has finally been set free from it… they can spot someone else’s a mile away….

That’s all for now,
LO

A Tale of Two Grades

Well, today started off like any another day at the races around our house. What my son thinks is so uncool about being on time for school is beyond me. Hey Walt, tardies count now!! Thank goodness they didn’t count in upper elementary! His last year at that school they mentioned giving him a special award on awards day for the most tardies…he had 45 that year. Now, he gets ready and we wait until just the right moment , then race to school so he walks in as school bell rings .( I just don’t get it) I was not like that!(jk) I know, I know…I am STILL a lot like that!! It’s funny how much our children are mirror images of ourselves at different stages in our lives. My oldest daughter ,Kati, and I have a running joke that she’s morphing into me on a daily basis. They certainly don’t see it and at times, we don’t either. I remember when my Kati was in the 8th grade and was taking Algebra 1.(anyone that knows me knows that I aced that class-- the 3rd TIME I TOOK IT-… Oh yeah, algebra and I go way back!!!) That same year ,a friend I had gone to high school with asked me to speak at a Sav-a-Life banquet at her church in Alabama. So, another good friend of ours and I loaded up and to Alabama we went! After the banquet we were all up talking and my Kati called. She informed me that she had gotten her progress report that day.She was always an A/B student so when she told me about her c in algebra….I begin this long lecture. My friends were about to hyperventilate over on the other side of the room while they told me to hold on…they had a fun time rehashing my algebra grades and history with grades in general! Needless to say, point taken and she was off the hook as I chose to show her grace----which just opens the door to expound on the “Tale of Two Grades”!! Oh me…where DO I begin? Aaahh yes, October, 1982…..First off, my friend that I stayed with that weekend and spoke at her church, was one of my very best friends in high school ,and shall I say “partner in MANY crimes” in my early high school days! [and happened to be an office worker during her study hall that year… back in the ANCIENT days when a report card WAS A ‘CARD’ and the teacher had to write them by hand and each class had an individual one] Well, it was Mississippi State’s homecoming and EVERYBODY was going to Starkville for the weekend !!! However, Thursday was report card day and I had a D in algebra. Those that don’t know me please understand my family…. My Daddy was high school principal for years ! However, The Lord HAD MERCY on my life (and his) and he went into politics way before my days at HHS!(whew!) My little Mama taught 7th grade math for 30 years ! Those that don’t know Ms. P Thomas must understand…she’s such a lady! From top to bottom---she’s a true lady! Those that don’t know me, while I’m no slob, but certainly don’t share her qualities.Ok—example …imagine if Mary Poppins had given birth to Bette Mitler---- there you have it !!(But please don’t think my mama favors Julie Andrews…she actually has always favored Natalie Wood and Mary Tyler Moore to me—either way—she beautiful) Bless her little worn out heart!! With that out of the way let me return to our “brilliant” plan. My friend was also struggling in algebra so guess what we did? I can just hear her now,”Why don’t we get fake report cards?” Light bulb went off as it seemed like a win/ win solution. Parents happy, me happy…life is good! Now I think that time I changed it to a B. Mama and Daddy were thrilled-- we went to MSU’s Homecoming---life WAS good! I placed fake card in my locker at school because I knew I would need it next time report cards came out. No way I could turn back now…the real ones had my parents forged signature on it. I was really good at both their ‘autographs’ so it seemed smooth sailing.[ ‘Oh what a tangled web’] Next six weeks, around Christmas, grades looked bad in English, Biology, of course Algebra still was awful and actually, they all looked bad. So….oh yes we did…every subject got an upgrade.(even marketing and typing classes) Now, no more average Joe! Holidays were coming around , and it’s the “most wonderful time of the year” and what better gift to give my parents….straight A’s and B’s!!! Hey, especially Mama was thrilled I pulled my algebra up from a B to an A…. high A too!! ( the higher the climb-the HARDER the fall—or CRASH in this case..I have sweaty palms as a type just thinking about it all now) You know…it took a lot of skill to keep up with the lies and not losing the other set of cards. Looks like I could have placed that energy into studying. Ya think? Well, summer is just around the corner ,and I was about to be home free it seemed. I do remember it was beginning to make me numb inside and was feeling the lie I was living. Well, one of my teachers happened to be in the court house one day and ran into my daddy….you know it….BUSTED!!! Oh was I ever!!! This part of the day is forever burned into my memory. First of all on the way home I passed my sister,Kathy, in the road and SHE shook her finger at ME. She NEVER did that so I knew I was caught about something but just wasn’t sure WHICH thing it was!! So, I walked into the door of the kitchen where my mama ,as always at 4 in the afternoon , was cooking supper. Her nose was red which was NEVER good. (she and I have what I call the ‘red nose curse’ that always occurs when you cry-dead give away) She turned to me as if it were slow motion. The only thing she got out of her mouth was “What was your real grade in Algebra?” When I breathlessly answered “27”—DOWN SHE WENT!!!! Out like a light I tell you! I frantically ran to the phone that hung on the wall and called Kathy. I was screaming “I killed Mama, I killed Mama!” I hung up and threw water on her and everything. Oh--did I feel bad bad bad or what!!!! Well, the only other thing I remember was my punishment. My parents should have locked me in a cage or beaten me but….[huge lesson in grace]….they did neither of these things. In fact, the punishment was quiet appropriate. Having only 3 weeks left of school it was imperative I knock the top out of every grade I could! Algebra, as I knew it that year, was over but by the grace of God, I got caught in time to pull all other grades up. I could not go anywhere, talk on the phone to anyone, and had to study A LOT!!! It became a team effort and actually enjoyed hanging out with my parents for a change. I passed every class and made almost straight A’s on all my final exams! It showed myself and reaffirmed what mama and daddy had ALWAYS said…I could make excellent grades if I would just study! It may seem I got off easy…but wait…oh there is more!! When school was over, I was free to regain my social activities, BUT----EVERY weekday morning for the month of June I had to walk with Mama and Kathy a few miles (AWFUL) AND Mama tutored me when we got back until noon in Algebra. Oh…that was the most horrible way to start summer vacation off but…I got in shape and finally learned how to do Algebra. I really did have a final grade of 97 in Algebra the next time I took in. My mama is, and always was, and excellent teacher. Well, the next few years in high school, I made average grades and yes….I studied. I learned many lessons that year. The biggest one….don’t EVER listen to ‘my friend’ again!! Just kidding! No…the main thing I learned was I begin to see , even then, that it’s much better to be really bad at something and ask for help-even if it seems like a set back—rather than pretending to be something we’re not. To wear a mask is exhausting and requires way too much energy. No wonder I really never had any substance in friendships, or any relationships at that age. I was just putting on one mask after another. I did not know who in the world I was so how was anyone else supposed to? Well, I am glad those days are far behind me and God gave me enough wisdom to know how and when to share my past life with my children.(and my mama and daddy) I am so thankful my children have learned from many of my mistakes and though we have laughed, and cried over a few of my past choices, God has used each of them! I am so thankful my parents showed me grace because it spoke louder than any other action that they could have taken! I wish I could say that was the end of my mischievous behavior but.. I can not!!! There was MUCH more that would follow that…however….that’s just all I can tell you for now…but I will say that I NEVER-- EVER had a fake report card again!
Well, I had better go to sleep so I can wake my Walt up early so he can get up- get ready- and leave for school once again as if we were in a race-- just to get there in the nick of time! You know…that’s really no big deal now is it? That’s the least I can do!! I have two choices it seems. I can tell him he will go in plenty of time because I SAID SO…or show him grace and let Walt just be Walt. Thanks to Mama and Daddy, I chose grace.
Until next time—
LO